Ahh ahh Ahh Yeah…….Uuuuh Uuhh !

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

When you read my title dapat you know how to sing, and read it in the tune of ” Barbie Girl ” by Aqua..hahaha!

It’s my 2nd fever day…dami ko na nakikita nakadilat man o nakapikit, lola at lolo ko na lang ang hindi! nyahaha! Huwag! Magiging pula ang kulay ng Manila Bay , mawawalan ng hangin ang Pilipinas at mababawasan ng sasabihan ng “biscotso u!” ang mga ka Ward ko sa FB. Madaming iiyak at may kokonting hahalakhak. Hindi ko pa balak magpasaya ng buhay ng mga pangetz! hahaha

Masaya naman ang hybernating period ko. Imagine, nakapag pasaya ako ng isang pusong naghahanap ng katapat, na itinapat pang Biyernes Santo ang date nila! At above all nice things…friend ko na ulit si Marya!Hahaha!

Dapat nangingilin tayo ngayon….. sabi ng mga tao sa paligid. Nangingilin naman ako ah, araw-araw nga….pruweba? Hindi ko pinapuputulan ang bangs at side burns ko, panay likuran lang ang pinuputulan ni Tonet. One year na! At uyy ha, madami ng pabor na ibinigay ang Lord sa akin. And I am so grateful!

Life is what we imagine it to be. It’s what we created inside us..pero minsan hindi ganoon. Kasi hindi naman tayo nag-iisa sa mundo. No matter how hard we try to protect our own lives, intruders and guests come in. And whatever belief we may hold on to, affected tayo lagi sa walang katapusang pagbabago ng mundo. Kahit ang peace inside will be affected, kaya nga may mga taong 24/7 practicing ng “no resistance” technique para mapanatilli ang peace within. But there is no peace as the peace beyond understanding from letting all things to God.

Today is Holy friday. Namimiss ko noong bata pa kami nina Weng, Caloy, Rowel, Edgar at May…nanonood kami ng mga nagpipinetensya, mula sa pagtatatoo ng mga bubog sa likod ng mga lalaki….sa pag-aabot ng itlog at tubig sa nadedehydrate ng mga pinetensyador (teka, wala namang nag-abot ng itlog at tubig kay Jesus noong Siya ang nagdala ng krus ah? Ang daya ng mga ito!), hanggang sa pagtalon nila sa ilog pagkatapos para maligo, maalis ang mga dugo; hanggang sa pag-iinuman ng alak sa gabi…kasi tapos na silang magsisi sa mga nagdaan nilang kasalanan….kaya gagawa na ulit ng mga bagong kasalanan! ahahahha!! Nakakatuwa ang tao..hindi niya malaman paano mahuhugasan ang kanyang mga pagkakamali kaya kung ano-ano naiisip….umiinit tuloy ang paligid! Kung alam lang natin, may nagaganap na hindi maganda tuwing Mahal na Araw! Ayy…saka na yan! Ibang usapan yan!

Kay daling mapatawad ng God ang ating mga kasalanan. Ayon sa nabasa ko sa Biblia… pusong mapagkumbaba lang ang kailangan natin sa paghingi ng tawad sa Diyos, at kilalanin si Jesus bilang Panginoon natin at Tagapagligtas. At nabasa ko pa na sinabi ni Jesus na pag ginawa natin yun ay tapat Siya at banal na patatawarin at kakalimutan ang ating mga ginawang mali! Uyy, gusto ko ung “kakalimutan” … maraming tao, ayaw lumimot sa ginawang mali ng iba, eh pare-pareho lang naman na nagkakamali. Sa mga nagkasala sa akin at galit sa akin dahil mas maganda ako kaysa sa kanila (echos!)…peace be with you! Bati na tayo! Wala na akong pakialam kung ayaw nyo! hahahha!……….Oooppsss, ituloy natin ang nabasa ko. Hindi lang pala tayo patatawarin ng Diyos kundi pag namatay pala tayo, sa heaven ang tungo natin! Ayy, gusto ko yan, kaya go ako dyan! Sana lahat ng babasa nito, go na din sama ko!! Naniniwala kasi ako na nag buhay ay hindi lang dito…may kasunod pa, ung after this ba!!

Hayy, napapagod na ako! Maliit na naman tingin ko! Eh, tatlong blogs itong niyayari q..ei, pano, gusto kong may magawa at may mai share na ideas. Tagal dumating ng fishballs!!

My coffee was served on bed…” para kanino ka bumabangon ina?” ahaha! …” Ikaw, para kanino ka bumabangon ?” tanong ko din…….. Kasi nag-iisip ako! nyahaha!

Ang sarap ng coffee ko….ei, para kanino ba ito? Minsan, nakakainip ang buhay kasi walang layunin…panay pera! pera! pera! Nakakainis na ‘yang papel na ‘yan na iba’t-ibang kulay..nagpapaikot ng buhay ng tao! Pwede namang hindi! Imagine, ang daming lumulungkot ng dahil sa papel na ‘yan! Samantalang pwede namang hindi!

….

Ayan., naisip ko din…………..gumigising ako tuwing umaga para sa mga taong ayoko pang silang sumaya! nyahahahhaha!!! Pano ba ‘yan— hahahaha!!

We should always have a reason for our being…..wag lang sa love! Because real love has no reason at all. God’s reason for creating us and dying for us is simply because He loves us and He is happy having us around kahit na marami sa atin ay suwail at pasaway!

It is nice to realize that life is short. Life is fantastic. It is a gift. It wasn’t meant to be ugly…. we made it ugly when we had a choice to make it beautiful. Life is not all material. It’s not a plastic thing. It is you and me.

Ang hirap ng may fever….tapos nagpapanic mga tao sa paligid mo…….tulog ka…. gigisingin ka….tapos sasabihin sa iyo….”cge, tulog ka ulit! ”

“bakit?”…. ” Eh, kasi ang himbing mo matulog…di ka kumikilos.”

“ha? dapat ba nagsasayaw ako habang natutulog?”

“Matulog ka na…. gisingin ulit kita mamaya..” waaaaaaaaaah

Missin’ you ! Missin you!

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

It’s been a long time I haven’t seen this blog…. masyado na akong nalulong sa Facebook… I forgot I got other accounts… hmmm, that’’s not a good idea!

My life suddenly made a halt, unexpectedly…and that’s not a good idea either…of the heaven! But whatever, there could be a purpose. Uuuhhhh, I miss everything I was doing specially the “gala”. Dami ko pa na naman na naiisip gawin after my early retirement from Agatha…that is one month na lang. Naiisip kong mag gala ng mag gala sa lahat ng pwede kong kaladkarin sa aking idea na pag-aralin ang lahat ng bata sa mga katribuhan sa Pilipinas! Hahahahha! Feeling DepEd ang dating q.. parang walang katapusang pangarap ang ginawa ko para sa mga walang pangarap kundi ang kumain, maghanap ng kakainin at magparami! Kung mayaman lang ako! Kung…. kung….kung… panay kung!!

Now feeling ko masisira ulo ko kakaisip paano gugulong ulit ang makulay kong buhay na punong-puno ng aksyon! Hahahahha! Hanap ng hanap ng sagot sa mga “bakit?” ko at sa sangkaterba kong “ano?” kaso walang nagyayari…nasasabit lang ako sa mga footbridge ni Ginna , nalulunod at naiiyak sa nakakalitong move on video ni Ricky, abang ng abang sa aninong ewan kung may balak pang tubuan ng mga laman upang maging tao at basagin ang aking eardrums sa walang katapusang listahan ng mga kanta sa Youtube! Asus, sulit na sulit ang bagong bili kong computer sa pagpapalipas ko ng oras samantalang ninamnam ang pagmamahal at pagbabantay ng aking mga kaibigang laging nandyan na buwisit na buwisit kapag naiisip kong magpaulan dahil napaka init!! Hahahahha!!

Nami miss ko ang pagpupuyat sa pagtuturo, pagluluto pag may feeding days, pagtawid sa dagat kahit di ako marunong lumangoy na pakiramdam ko ay hindi ako kayang lunurin ng dagat at kagatin ng mga whatsoever sa tubig. Nami miss ko ang makipaglaro ng piko sa mga bata, makigulo sa mga tao, umawat ng mga nag-aaway, gumising ng maaga para sa mga eskwela, sumayaw ng igal at tapusin ang aking pag-aaral na sayawin ang kulintangan at higit sa lahat, namimiss ko ang luto ng aking nanay at ang mga chocolates at brownies na laging iniuuwi ng aking tatay sa akin.. gustong-gusto kong kinakain habang nasa bed sa gabi at pagkatapos ay itatapon ko ang lahat ng pinagbalatan sa lupa ng sabog- sabog para may wawalisin ang mga tao sa umaga!! Ganyan aq kabait!! hahahahha!

Nami miss ko ang umakyat sa puno at sa bubungan at mamangka ng nakatayo sa bangka feeling badjao. Namimiss ko si Hanna, ang batang laging humihimas ng aking buhok at yumayakap sa akin kapag nakikita niyang pagod na ako. Namimiss ko din ang bahay kong parang laging nasa epicenter ng lindol…doon ko nalalanghap sa hangin kung may darating na bagyo at kung may naghahanap sa akin sa ibang lugar. Nami miss ko ang mga paniki, ang mga bulaklak na pilit kong pinalalaki sa picture at higit sa lahat, na mi miss ko ang mga halakhak ko pag nandun ako… nandun ang buhay ko…nandun ang saya ko…. pero wala akong magawa.

Hayyzzz, wala na silang “”prinsesa”…. wala na ding “sunflower”… natatawa ako pag tinatawag akong ganyan…. lahat-lahat na mi miss ko….lahat hinahanap ko. Nakakainis!!

Saan kaya ako dadalhin ng pangyayaring ito?? Sana kung saan man maging kapaki-pakinabang pa din. wala nang thrill ang buhay ko..natapos ko na ang mga dapat kong gawin sa aking pamilya..halos tapos ko na lahat maliban sa para sa aking sarili.. Ei, ngyon ko pa lang naiisip yun at sana hindi mawaglit sa isip ko na naisip ko pala yun at dapat ko ituloy.

Ganun pa man, masaya pa din ako kahit huminto ang pag-ikot ng aking oras…. mabuti nga yun, di pa ako tatanda! hahahaha! Kahit may mga bagay na nawala, masaya pa din ang makulay at maaksyon kong buhay kahit maraming nagpapaiyak sa akin, wala ako care!

” Hindi lang magagandang bagay ang dapat nting tanggapin mula sa Dios, maging masasamang bagay din dahil ang lahat ay may dahilan..”

Uyyy…. excited ako….. madami akong tatanggaping chocnuts!! hahahahhaha!!!

Wala Ako Maisulat Part II

Sunday, October 17th, 2010

Wala akong maisulat….yesss, wala! Dumudugo na ang aking utak kakaisip ng isusulat, pero wala pa din! I visited the blogs linked to my blog: my goodness! mas updated pa pala ang blog ko kaysa sa kanila. Kahit si Corski Blue ay nawala na din. Saan na kaya nagpuntahan ang mga ‘yon? Wala naman daw sa Triond..ha ha ha! (Sa Triond kumikita ng dollars ang mga bloggers.) Masaya siguro ang buhay kaya wala na maisulat…or naubusan na ng paksa.

Napansin ko na mas madami kang maisusulat kapag ikaw ay malungkot, nag-iisip at galit sa mundo. Kung masaya ang buhay pati na ang paligid…taking pictures ang kailangan! Well, tama ang hinala mo, masaya ang buhay ko…totoong masaya, walang nakatagong pain, walang kaplastikan. But how can you take picture of this feeling? I tried to look for one to represent it but I found nothing!

Well, let me try…

When I was in my ’30’s till 43 I struggle with the feeling of being alone, of being single all along, of such and such. I always thought that I would need someone to be with me to complete my life. So I looked and prayed for one. But I was wrong. The more I look and pray, the more the negative feeling grew. The more intense the need became. Till one night, as I was looking at the sea lined with parked ships, from my window, I said to God, ” I don’t like this feeling anymore! Something must be wrong that needed to be changed.” And a lot of realizations came in, as if droplets of rain on my head.

1. The inspiration to transform must not be because of previous pain but because you have learned to love yourself.

2. You cannot find the destined person in your life if there is a void within. The other person cannot in anyway complete you because he/she is only human, he/she can commit errors and evil againts you someday that will hurt you….and the cycle will be repeated.

3. You can only find the destined person for you if you yourself is already complete. He/She will just complement you….add colors to your already colorful world. Remember the equation: positive + positive is equals to positive. Negative + positive is equals to something bearing the sign of the highest number.

4. Seek to complete yourself and do it before seeking to love others. You can only give what you have. You cannot give what you don’t have and you can’t give enough when you lack. Magkakainitan lang ng ulo sa bandang huli.

5. Compatibility is not the sign of “the right one”. Don’t be fooled by it! Compatibility does not necessarily produces harmony. Likes and dislikes change with age. ha ha ha!

6. Seek not when you’re lonely and feeling alone…high is the tendency to commit another mistake. Seek when you’re already complete and happy, then you have plenty of things to share with one another.

7. Completeness and real happiness can only be found in our Maker, who knows us even before we were born and who knows how to make us complete.

But it also took me a quite long time and money before transformation came. Money because it needed for me to go somewhere to be refreshed by the Lord. But every effort I made was worth if. Everybody noticed…

That’s where the glow came from….

Gabi na…tama na ito.

Sana makatulong…. : )

Wala sa Ngipin….

Thursday, September 9th, 2010

Napakainit ng panahon kahapon…nakadagdag sa mabigat kong pakiramdam. Kung hindi nga lang kailangang magtiis para suportahan ang maliliit kong mga mag-aaral sa pakikipagtunggali (ang lalim!) nila sa Sectoral Meet ng Bulprisa, umuwi na ako kaagad!

Napakainit at napakaraming tao. Dumami dahil sa mga mag-aaral na may dalang mga palang kamag-anak. Ang iba, isang baranggay yata ang dala at mistulang picnic ground ang venue ng competition. Napakaraming tao kung kaya sa kainipan ay napansin nang lahat ni Marlet ang bawat nagdadaan habang busy ang kanyang kamay sa pagpaypay sa akin, para lang mapawi ang kanyang pagkainip at ako ay matawa.

Sa inis ko nagyaya akong bumaba at kumain na lang kami ng dirty ice cream habang aliw na aliw sa pagpronounce ng mga words ala british accent ang spelling master na ikina sa shock ng mga contestants!

“Contest Level I ( Grade I to II )

Spelling master: “Our next word is ” wobbled” pronounced as ” w-o-be-led”.”

Tatlong basong softdrinks at isang basong ice cream ang naubos ko sa inis…inis sa dami ng tao at init, at inis sa pamamaraan ng spelling contest. As I expect it, lumabas na tulala ang contestant namin! Pero natuwa din ako dahil mas maraming mas tulala kaysa sa aming contestant!!! Ha ha hahaha!!!

Why trying to sound like british when the tongue is bekimon?

While eating ice cream…nakisabat ako sa usapan:

“Oo nga, ano ba nagustuhan mo dyan sa darling mo eh inaabot naman ng pintas sa yo?”.

“Ewan ko nga po ba ma’am..” sagot ng aking tinanong. Si Marlet yun ang pintaserang empleyado ko na pag natutuwa (?) ay tinatawag akong ” Ma’am Betty Boop”.

“In fairness ha? Ang tyaga nya…araw-araw hatid sundo ka.”

” Oo nman ma’am. Love na love ko yun…”

“Laki nga ng ebidensya eh! E bakit gnun, pintas ka ng pintas, love na love mo nman pla?”

“Eh ganun po talaga ako! Kaya nga po ako bumabale kay teacher ng P100″.

“Ha? Para saan P100?”

“Pagagawan ko po ng ngipin ang darling ko!”

Nasamid aq…hihirit na naman c Marlet. ” Kaya ba di ngumingiti?”

“Opo. Wala po ipen!”.

“Eh, P100. Ano mabibili mo dun? Ngipin ni drakula mabibili mo! Ung nabubunot sa palabunutan na may kasamang apa at lobo!”!

“Okay na po yun sa darling ko un!” Ha ha ha ha ha!

“Lekat ka Marlet! ”

“Aba ma’am kahit ganun un, love na love q un!”

Oo nga.. ang ex ni ma’am ay di hamak na mayaman at magandang lalaki…pero ang pinili nyang mahalin ay si Darwin na isang tricycle driver, mahirap lang, di gwapo….at walang ngipin! …ngunit mahal na mahal siya! Naniniwala ako na mahal na mahal ni Marlet si Darwin dahil naging piping saksi ako sa mga hinamak nilang sitwasyon para lang magkatuluyan sila. Isa ako sa takbuhan ni Marlet. Nakuha ni Marlet na bugbugin at palayasin ng mga magulang dahil sa pagmamahal niya kay Darwin! At sa Disyembre, manganganak na si Marlet…panganay nila ni Darwin.

“Sabi ng tatay ko ma’am, hindi nasusukat sa ngipin ang pagmamahal!”

” Ha ha ha ha ha!”

Nakakatawa na nakakaiyak ang magmahal. Wala nga daw sukatan. Hindi itsura. Hindi kalagayan sa buhay. Hindi pera. Hindi kakayahan at mga katangian. Di na kailangang sukatin ang pagmamahal para lang mapatunayan na totoo ang nararamdaman. Walang bait ang nanunukat ng pagmamahal! Bawat tao ay iba-iba lang ang pamamaraan ng pagpapakita ng pagmamahal.

Minsan natatanong ng marami–paano malalaman kung tunay kang minamahal ng isang tao? Isa lang ang sagot ko– nararamdaman mo yun. No other person can tell you..ikaw lang, and you know it inside you.!

Nasusukat ba ang pagmamahal mo? Kung nasusukat….Hindi ka tunay na nagmamahal!

When Other Things Become Just Options

Monday, September 20th, 2010

Yan! Yan ang topic na gusto ko isulat! Tagal ko nang iniisip pero di ko mabuo. Iniisip ko kung paano ko sasabihin na dumadating sa buhay ng tao na ang iba pang mga bagay- bagay ay nagiging options na lang.

My two weeks were filled with people I talked to…most of them, I just listened to. Buti na lang “malaki mga tenga” ko at mahina memorya ko pag sabihan na ng sikreto! ha ha ha ha! Mapalad sila!

Ito lang ang napagsama-sama kong kaisipan:

1.Hindi kailanman ultimate dream ang pagyaman! Malungkot din ang mayroon ng lahat ng bagay. Nasasabi ng marami na mali ako kasi hindi pa sila tunay na mayaman, kaya tuloy pa din ang pangangarap kahit na gising.

2. Hindi materyal na bagay ang susukat sa pagkakaroon ng lahat ng bagay. Ay naku, ang hirap isapangungusap ng isang ito! Sa ingles: it’s not material things that will conclude that you have everything in life! Yesss! Nasabi ko din. Maraming tao ang nagsasabi na they have everything in life na hindi dahil mayroon siya ng lahat kundi dahil natutunan niya ang tunay na kahulugan ng salitang “buhay”.

3. Ang kawalan ng kakuntentuhan sa sarili ang nagtutulak sa tao upang maghangad ng maghangad. Marahil, hindi nila lubusang natutuklasan kung ano ang nilalaman ng kanilang mga sarili at madalas nabibigyan natin ng maling kahulugan ang salitang “kuntento”. Pasintabi sa mga business coaches!

4. Ang pag dadaigan at pagpapataasan ay nagbubunga lang ng matinding kawalan—kawalan ng katahimikan at originality!

5. Kung masaya ka pala sa yong buhay, lalo na at ang saya ay galing sa kalooban…ang iba pang mga bagay ay “options” na lang. Maging ang pakikipag relasyon ay isang option. At kung option ang isang bagay—ito ay pwedeng wala at pwede ring nandoon. Kung mawala ito, hindi ito isang kawalan at kung present naman ito, ito ay karagdagan—complimentary to what is already there. Mas masaya yata ang ganito…less pain pag dumating ang kabiguan. Kaysa sa need mo ang isang bagay at biglang nawala, marami pa sa patak ng ulan ang iyong iluluha at makikilala mo na ang salitang “moving on.”.

6. So, ang dapat pala ay tunay kang masaya! Hindi saya-sayahan lang na dala ng mga gimmick at mga tao sa paligid. Saya na kahit nag-iisa ka ay hindi ka makakaramdam ng pag-iisa.

Parang napaka seryoso ng approach ko dito….boring ika nga! Napaka seryoso naman kasi ng mga inspirasyon ko sa issue na ito. Hindi bagay sa isang tulad ko! ha ha ha ha!

Akala naman nila hindi ako marunong malungkot…parang nakadikit na ung “smile” sa mukha ko araw at gabi! Hindi ah, normal ako…marunong akong malungkot at magalit. Tumataas din ng kilay ko at bumababa afterwards….nanatiling nakababa kahit many days. Pero ang saya ko ay galing sa loob dahil natuklasan ko kung ano ang essence ng buhay ko. Isang bagay na hindi kayang bilhin ng pera.

Next year, tuloy ang early retirement ko…. at excited ako!!!

Para sa akin…hindi pa din buo ang isang ito!

Habagat

Monday, August 9th, 2010

As I walked to my house that night, the wind blew hard….it’s habagat! I knew immediately there is an approaching storm in the Pacific.

I climbed up the house and got in the terrace….there’s a chill in the air…and a familiar scent.

Heto na naman, umiikot ulit ang buhay.

May mga bagay na mauulit uli dahil hindi natutunan.

May mga bagay na bumabalik ulit matapos mawala, dahil hindi nabigyang halaga dati.

May mga bagay na nagbabalik alaala kahit nalimutan na, dahil hindi natutong magpatawad at magbagong buhay.

As I turned my eyes along the bay lined with ships…their lights reminded me of a prayer I dearly made last year to God. I can’t help but cry a bit….oh it was a beautiful night!

Totoo.

Hindi ito ang panahon ng paghahanap. Panahon ito ng paghihintay.

Hindi ito ang panahon ng pagwawalang bahala. Panahon ito ng pagbibigay halaga sa mga bagay at taong meron tau.

Hindi ito ang panahon ng pagkalugi. Ito ang panahon ng pag iipon.

Hindi ito ang panahon ng paghahari ng sarili. Ito ang panahon na Dios naman ang maghari sa atin.

Anong klaseng panahon ang nakauso sa aking buhay ngayon? Mga bagay na kahangahanga at kagila-gilalas!

Season of wonderful things!

Mga Nasalubong Ko Sa Daan

Sunday, August 15th, 2010

One thing I like in traveling is meeting new people, and sight seeing…I like the last part very much! But most of the time, I gain new friends along the way.

The last times I travelled, I sat with a friendly, madaldal at bungisngis na guy…he was a product of my prayer while in the bus. We will transfer to another bus in Sta. Rosa Laguna. The people were tired and weary because of the traffic and much because it was already too late at night. Everybody’s wearing jackets except me. So my hands then were already cold.

“O Lord, please give me a seat in front near the isle so I will not be cold and I can see the road.” The other passengers shove me off the line because I was…..small. They passed all the seats in front….I got the seat I wanted! This happy guy sat in that 3-seater seat. He’s fat, so he covered me from the aircon blower! Very nice! I thought.

I won this guy’s attention and friendliness through my as usual baon Magic Flakes & Pillows!…. a government engineer he is!

The other one is a a grumpy old man. Suplado! Mukhang bading, 3 kulay ng buhok! My Magic Flakes worked again…. alam mo na, gentle woman ako…nang aalok aq pag kumakain…lagi kasi akong gutom!

And he spoke: Sa lahat ng pasaherong nakasakay ko, ikaw ang hindi suplada! Friendly kang sosyal huh!

I said: Maganda naman po ako bakit ako magtataray? Mga pangit lang ang nagtataray!

And he laughed aloud!

And I found out how lonely in life this grumpy old man is. He never laughs, he said. And while we’re talking, he’s laughing along the way! He thanked me for making him laugh, for realizing that life is beautiful! When I came back to Batangas, he gave a 3 piece throw pillow for my sofa, as a gift for making him laugh.

Few more came my way…men, women….psg official, mtrcb man, tinderos, tinderas, teacher, student, construction worker, driver, house wives, etc, etc… and I also learned from them.

I’m wishing to go to Mindanao…. go by the ship…perhaps I will also meet a lot of people there to talk to, acquaint with and be my FB & FS friends.

My father asked me: What do you get from doing such thing?

I said, the more I realize how beautiful the God- given life I have, daddy.

I should have been dead when I was 21, 32 and 35 years old! Yes, this is my 3rd life! All of my healings are miracles! My life is God-given. That is why gayun na lamang ang pagpapahalaga ko sa buhay na meron ako!

And I’m passing it to the people I meet daily.

Si Kapitana Sela at ang Aming Maliit na Barangay

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

Kapitana ang katawagan kay Sela dahil ang tinig nya ay makapangyarihan sa kanyang pamilya. Ano man ang sabihin niya ay susundin ng kanyang pamilya. Malaki din naman ang kanyang pamilya na nagmula pa sa Masbate at Zamboanga, kung kaya*t malaki din ang magagawa nila sa aming community kapag sila ay nagkaisa. (Di ko kasi maalala ang Filipino translation ng *community* kaya *barangay* na lang. he he he.

Sa aming community ng mga katutubong badjao ay makapangyarihan ang tinig ng kababaihan na pilit namang binabago ng pagtuturo ng Salita ng Dios dahil dapat na mas makapangyarihan ang tinig ng mga kalalakihan lalo sa tahanan. Ang mga kalalakihan ay mababait na asawa.Marunong ng mga gawaing bahay, samantalang ang mga babae ay hindi. Palibhasa ang babae ay nabibili ng dowry para mapangasawa ng isang lalaki kung kaya*t hindi na inuutasan pa ng mga lalaki na magtrabaho sa bahay ang mga babae. Dito, perfect full time housewives ang mga babae! Grabe! Madami na ding mga babae ang nagsisipagbago ng istilo ng pakikitungo sa kanilang mga asawa, iyan ay dahil sa pagtuturo ng Salita ng Dios. Pagtuturong tumagal ng 10 taon sa kabagalan!

Iba ang level ng pang unawa nila. Kailangang napaka tiyaga at napaka mahinahon ng tagapag turo. Mararil ito ay dahilan sa kanilang nakagawiang nutrisyon at level ng interest na matuto. Salamat sa Dios at sa loob ng 10 taong pananalangin at pagtitiyaga ng aking mga magulang ay mayroon na kaming 18 nag-aaral na batang Badjao sa elementrya, 2 sa kolehiyo at 4 sa sekondarya. Salamat sa mga walang kasawa-sawang tumutulong sa amin. Bagama*t ang kanilang kultura ay nananatili pa din, marami na ding maling kaugalian ang kanilang inalis tulad ng pagsamba sa spirit ng kanilang namatay na ninuno, ang pag-aasawa sa mga kadugo upang hindi maibahagi sa iba ang yaman ng pamilya., gayundin ang maling paniniwala tungkol sa dilim, paliligo at paglilinis, panganganak at marami pang iba.

Malong ang aming kasuotan dito sa community. Ang pagsusuot ng malong ang pinaka gusto ko dito. Ang mga dalaga ay di dapat naglalabas ng mga bahagi ng katawan tulad ng pusod, kilikili, hita at dibdib o magdamit man ng halos makikita na ang mga ito. Pinangangalagaan ang mga dalaga sapagkat may halagang katumbas sila sa pag aasawa. Hindi rin katanggap-tanggap ang maikling buhok sa mga babae, na parang sa lalaki. Hindi rin pinahihintulutan na lumakad ang isang dalaga na may kasabay na lalaki maliban sa kapatid at ama.

Masayahin ang mga badjao. Mahilig silang kumanta lalo na ang pagsayaw. Napasabak agad ako sa pagsayaw ng bago pa lang ako dito. Ang pagsayaw ay tanda ng pagtanggap ng isang dayuhan sa kanilang kultura. Tuwing may baysanan o disperas ng kasal, ang sayawan ay tumatagal ng 3 araw, 24/7! Nakaka enjoy at makahulugan ang bawat step pati ang galaw ng mga kamay at balikat. Ang igal o sayaw ng badjao ay sinasayaw ng walang kangiti-ngiti, tipikal sa lahat ng sayaw muslim. Pangalawa sa malong, ang sayaw na igal ang excited kong inaasam-asam kapag may okasyon at mga bisita.

Akala ng kanilang mga kapwa kapatid na Muslim ay walang kwenta ang mga badjao, kung kaya*t itinatakwil nila ang tribong ito mula sa listahan ng mga tribo sa Mindanao. Kung tutuusin, ang mga badjao ang gumagawa at gumagamit ng vinta dahil sila ang tribong nakatira sa tubig! Sinasabi ng mga Muslim na singaw lang ang mga badjao! Hindi, may sarili silang kultura na pinapa salin-salin nila sa mga henerasyon sa pamamagitan ng awit, at maliit pa ang mga bata ay tinuturuan na ng kanilang katutubong sayaw.

Ang mga pagbabago sa tribong badjao sa aming community ay likha ng pagkatuto ng Salita ng Dios- ang Kitab Injil.

Sa aking palagay, ito ang tribong aking itinuturing na pamilya, bagama*t nalalaman ko na hindi lamang ang tribong ito ang aking makakasalamuha at matuturuan tulad ng aking mga magulang. The best na dito ang skyflakes at coke, ang pancit at fried chicken ay pagkain ng mayaman. Maleta ang cabinet at vault ng mag-anak. Ang sindol ay ginatan sa Katagalugan, at ang panggi ay wedding cake na maraming maliliit na flags. Prinsesa ang tawag ng matatanda sa akin dahil ako ay maputi at laging nakangiti. Teacherli naman sa mga kabataan at bata dahil ako*y guro sa kanila. Mataas ang pananampalataya sa Dios o Tuhan at hindi basta-basta ang pagsasalita ang *alasa kitam* (i love you). Ang pagtataksil sa asawa ay isang napakabigat na pagkakamali, kung kaya*t di uso ang womanizers! yeah!!

Sa aking pagtanda at kung sakaling ako ay mawala, tiyak na nasa kanila ako. Simple lang ang buhay, walang mga pabalat o status quo.Sariwa ang hangin, malapit sa langit ang lugar, kitang-kita mo ang mga bituin at mga planetang nagkukunwaring bituin.Ang salapi ay isa lamang issue para tugunan ang pang araw-araw na kailangan ng pamilya.. tapos!

Sinulat ko ito upang magbigay sagot sa tanong na madalas kong ma encounter- ano ba ang mga yan? Ay sus, tao din tulad mo at tulad ko. Di lang sila maarteng tulad natin. ha ha ha!
Parang napaka seryoso ng aking mga salita… Nakakapanibago
Ay sige, magluluto pa ako…

Beautiful Things

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

One of my aunties makes her sons, daughters and grandchildren memorize the poem, “Beautiful Things”, thus I declared it- the “generational poem” of her family!

“God made the heavens, and God made the…trees?.. o seas?” Errr, nakalimutan ko na…I was also involved in memorizing it. Tsk. tsk. tsk

But there are more beautiful things I won*t forget.

New beautiful things that came to my life.

1. Connections with my MCU batchmates and CEU classmates through FB. I learned FB through Nanette, my funny and witty friend..that was when I was about to leave for China because she thought I will never come back again.

Finding your old buddies create a new energy within… flashing back the old good times.. (prang baligtad yata?)…the good old times, the youngerhood feeling comes back again..he he he!( am still young!) And dahil bumabalik ang panahon, naiisip mo ang mga mali ng nakaraan na naitama mo na ngayon. At mga tama mo noong araw na minali mo ngayon!

2. Discovering that you can be happy in spite of being single…na pangmatagalan…

You can discover a lot more things about yourself. You can do a lot more things than before. There is a bigger space to grow, invent and innovate. Paano naman kung 80 years old na eh, single pa? Masaya pa ba ang ganun? Malay ko, di pa naman ako 80 years old! Hmmp! But maybe, they have been happy din naman!

When my dad had a stroke, my mom prayed that God would spare my dad because she do not want to be alone in this world, sinalubong ko si mom ng pamatay kong linya, ” Eh di nararamdaman mo na ngayon mommy kung ano pakiramdam ko? He he he!” na sinagot naman niya ng higit na nakamamatay na “Iba ka! Eversince nag-iisa ka!”. Hu hu hu hu

3. Finding Dom. Este, finding me by Dom! (Parang title ng movie). After 2 years of not having any contact with him, he is back… in my world! Masaya! Napakasaya!

Ang makulay kong buhay ay nadagdagan pa ng isa pang kulay! Lumampas na yata sa colorwheel at color chart ang mga kulay ng aking buhay!

Finding old once lost friends close to your heart is like finding a gold nugget.. you wouldn*t allow anything to lose them again. Because they simply add colors to your life!

“God made you. And God made me.” Beautiful things. Bow.

Like a Grass

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Technology is a gift from God, I say, to make our lives easier. Farmville is a gift of technology to me. Ha ha ha! I learned simple business principles in farmville. See it is not that boring after all. And dyan sa Farmville ko na get over ang ex ko!! ha ha ha! Farmville lang ang katapat niya! Social sites help us connect with our friends and find people you are missing in your life. ( ang hirap mag type sa keyboard na jap ang symbols! grrrr! )

REading through a lot of posts, (ganun ako kahilig magbasa. Kahit ang mga walang ka kwenta-wentang posts ng kung sino-sino, binabasa ko. Not to be chismosa but to learn from their thoughts.), madalas pinag uusapan ang love…the same old finding the right one. And kahit naman sa mga sosyalan ng mga girls and boys, after talking about status and money, laging nasisingit ang issue na ito na kung titingnan mo ay isang napakalaking puzzle na laging may missing piece na di mo alam kung itinago ng God from you or sadyang wala naman talaga!

I said to my daughters and to my students na finding God*s will is like looking for the house of a person who*s address is not familiar to you. Many people will tell you many directions to reach the house but only one of them has the right instruction. Listening to these people will lead you to commit mistakes. It*s your discernment to know who holds the right instruction. Missing the tract, you use your instinct, and only your instinct can tell you if you have found it.

Finding the right person, doesn*t always mean be the right person. There are a lot of seem-like right persons because they are good people, but they are not the destined one. Finding the right one is like looking at a field with johnson*s grass who grows along the right plant. Both possess the same characteristics but only their flowers can tell you which is which.

I continue to say not to commit the mistake of entering into a relationship just for fun and experience. It is not justifying to say **am young, am foolish then**. A friend of mine once told me, ** kung makukuha ka ng isang maling tao, kawawa naman ang taong nakalaan para sau dahil mawawalan siya. At ang taong pinaglalaanan ng taong kumuha sa iyo ay nawalan din.** Iyakan ito!

There is no greater thing than loving yourself and fill your world with love first and then love other people afterwards…because you cannot give what you do not have and you cannot take something back from others if you don*t know how to receive it. It is not enough to say *I love you* if you don*t know how to show it and you don*t have it in you. ( sus, nahihilo na yata ako, parang iba na ang sinasabi ko.!).

So much for love…. money is more needed now…sabi nila. Pang teens lang yan! Excuse me, adults need it more badly than teens do! But for me…

I have to go… marami pala akong appointment this morning… late na me!!!!

as usual! ha

Lenten Season– ” Don’t Close the Window”

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

Sometimes life is… ( I don’t know the right word to say, kasi nai type ko na at dinelete ng paulit-ulit ang “weird”, “mysterious”, “confusing”, “a cycle”…ay sus!) kaya …. (na lang!)

But it’s true! I know many will agree. I don’t care to those who won’t.

What you wanted- un ang wala! Ung di mo wanted- un ang nandyan! Finding the reason for that occurence is like looking for a pin in a haystack! Paganahin na lang ang “faith” para luminaw ang mga dahilan! Sabi ng iba. Pero hindi! Malabo pa din!

What you don’t want to happen- happens! That’s the Law of Attraction– explainable, simple! But to some, it’s a confusingly intriguing matter! (hardcore ang adjective).

I have this threatening circumstance that a “window” of mine will close. I don’t want that to happen just because of this “RHD”! Ganun ako ka determined and ka focus sa gusto kong mangyari! Although wala sa aking itsura na seryoso ako sa mga balakin ko sa buhay. Some of my close friends think I”m just playing in my life that I can quit work anytime and it won’t matter. But that’s not it! Gusto kong matupad lahat ng nasa “dreamboard” ko! Haha ha! Yes, I have a dreamboard!!

I know, a year from now, keeping a work for me won’t matter anymore but no, I stil want my windows open and I will keep them open as long as I am breathing. And am counting the lands I will go to and people I will share my life with.

So this Lenten Season, I spent it quietly resting and making reflections & realizations and devising ways… I lied down and read ” Die! Die Evil Die!” sa wakas, natapos ko ding basahin ang aklat na to!

Guys’ Rules Made Easy

Tuesday, April 6th, 2010

It’s been a puzzle to us women how to comprehend men! I mean, comprehend! Mahirap talaga! Tulad din ang mga lalaki–nahihirapang maintindihan ang mga babae. I have read books and mags dealing about this but hindi sila sapat.

I was handed a “Guys Rules Made Easy” handout of sort, written by a guy, speaking out his mind about how their kind thinks! Wow, nice!! And I’d like to share it to my women friends here. Perhaps by reading this, hindi lang kayo matawa ng MALAKAS kundi may matutunan din kahit konti sa nais iparating ng lalaking ito.

It goes like this:

“We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are the rules! Pls. note…these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toliet seat. You’re a big girl! If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.And no,we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is a blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Symphaty is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria Secret’s girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, pls. say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. All men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine..really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as basketball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1.I am in shape. Round is a shape.”

See? What can you say?

Under The Heat of the Sun In a Far Away Place!

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

I am stucked here, in this far place, alone in our mission house. The place is so dry and the weather is so hot! The city is like an oasis of cold water to me, yet it’s so far away!I took this opportunity to go to a computer shop to update my FB & FV, and this, and then buy the things that I will need because I think I will not be able to get out again from the community. No,not this week perhaps. And the only gadget I have is my cellphone!

My father and mom went to Cebu last Monday, taking with them my prime students and the laptop! I was left with the women and children, save only Ka Lito, an elderly student of mine in the Leadership Training Class, is around, acting as the community’s Team Leader while the others are away.

I admit, I can’t work that hard these days. Unlike in the past months. I can no longer climb the window of my house, lift heavy things, do bunong-braso, walk kilometers, run faster than the goat and paddle. It’s awful! So I spend most of my time roaming around the community, talking to people, eat with them, do tambay, give simple life- encouraging talks at our night prayers, tease the kids, smell the wind at night, sit by the banana trees, read, sleep and think if someone out there is also thinking of me! (parang meron nga ah?).

But the chill of being here, like trapped in the middle of a hot cake is my suspicion that this is one of those “Talk- to- me- and-if- you- will- not-going- to- talk- to- me - I-will- get- you- to- a-place- where- the- only- face- that- you- will- see- is- Me-because-I-want-you-to-see-things!” stuff. And I am right again!! Only things are more personal this time.

I’ve been handling the training here for almost 4 years. I started with 13 students vying for community leadership, and after 3 years, I was left with only 6 people. 2 women, 4 men! Half of them gave up!Giving up doesn’t really make good of anything!! But my efforts were rewarded and now is that time– 3 of them went with my parents to do teaching themselves in the minority in Cebu, applying what they have learned here. And I am glad! It’s worth all the time that I was being left alone here and now they will multiply! It’s as if, I too, multiplied in a handful of them and I am amazed at the network system God has. By December, one of them will be selected as the community and spiritual leader, for all time! We all look forward to that.

There is nothing sweeter than a life being changed. From nobody to someone. And there is no sweeter success that being an instrument of that change, it’s sweeter than gold!

I received a video featuring hunger images of Africa. They are not kids like ours, they are tribal kids unminded by the corrupt government and the people not belonging to their class. My heart did break but mere pity won’t do a thing. Saving our food and water would do great things for us here but it will do a lot greater if the food and water we saved, we donate to them! Di ba, mas maganda? We can be instruments of change. Sabihin naman, pano ipapadala ang mga naipong food at water– aba, may impossible ba sa may gustong gumawa ng ganung bagay?

I am saying this, not because I am growing old but because I saw that life is so fragile and like a “grass easily withered away”. I saw a motorcycle accident victim in an emergency room in a hospital at 7:30am; alive this minute, dead after 20 minutes! and he was the second one! Imagine, umiyak ako sa bangkay ng iba?

Life is not only taking, it’s also giving away… so that life could be called “real life”. There is no happiness in merely living for oneself and family… we need to give away some things sometimes, like donating blood to the blood bank- it won’t make you sick but rather would make your blood cells healthy and your body strong! When we have more, let’s give to the less, so we will gain more!

The El Nino we’re experiencing now is not all that way dreadful, although to PAGASA–it is! The extreme heat of the sun is tell us that we need to pay attention not to nature but to ourselves, to re direct our paths and change our future. Impossible?

Possible!

Masyado ng seryoso at mahaba ito… mahal na babayaran ko dito!

Take the road less travelled!

Nang Ako’y Ma-Bad Trip!

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Matagal akong nawala sa sirkulasyon, mahigit kumulang dalawang buwan din. Kahit ang Farmville ko ay napabayaan ko din kaya naunahan akong mag level up ng mga neighbors ko na dati ay di malaman kung paano ako uunahan! Talagang ganyan siguro. May nauuna na nahuhuli at may nahuhuli na nauuna. Kagaya ko!

Ang pagkawala ko ay dahil sa aking lumalang tonsillitis! Kinailangan kong magpahinga. Magpahinga daw ako sabi ng doktor! At ang command na ito ay nagmistulang “emergency” na parang “fire” alarm sa pamilya ko: lahat sila gusto akong itali sa kama para makapagpahinga! Naman!

Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon umaandar ang aking “Houdinni thinking”! Sa dami kasi ng trabahong nag-iintay ang aking atensyon. Bakit ba naman di pa itinaon sa bakasyon ang sakit na ito? Nakakainis! Lalo pa’t nakataas ang kilay ng lahat ng DepEd Supervisors sa panahon ngayon ng checking of forms ng mga estudyante! Ang hirap nilang i-please! Parang mga nagpapautang ng 5/6!!

Kaya nga di ako makapahinga…

Eh, nadapa ako!

Ayun! Kaya napilitan akong magpa house arrest!

Ginugol ko ang aking panahon sa pagtulog,pag-inom ng mga gamot, pagkain, pagbabasa at panood ng television. Badtrip ang ganitong istilo ng buhay para sa akin! Pero tiniis ko. Nilunod ko ang aking pagkainip sa pagbabasa ng aklat ni Kiko. Pinilit kong aninawin ang maliliit niyang drawings para maintindihan ko ang mga sinasabi niya. And mind you, napatawa niya ako! Di lang ako natawa kundi marami din akong natutunan sa aklat niyang “Alab ng Puso”: naiintindihan ko ang dilema ng mga estudyante sa mga guro at sa pag-aaral. At maya-maya lang sisimulan ko na ang kanyang librong ” Die! Die, Evil Die!”, ang aklat na dapat munang basahin bago ang “Alab ng Puso”! Ha ha ha ha! Paurong akong magbasa! Di na bago ‘yan- ugali ko talaga yan!

Noong college ako, di ko maunawaan ang Noli Me Tangere kaya binasa ko muna ang El Filibusterismo! Ayayay! Saka ko lang naunawaan si Rizal at bakit sinulat niya ang 2 aklat na ‘yan na pahirap sa mga college students!! Pero Rizal Life and Works ang isa sa paborito kong subjects!

Marami akong tiniis maliban sa “house arrest”. Tiniis ko din ang hindi paglalakbay, paggala sa mga friends, pagpupuyat, pagsama ng loob- dapat lahat masaya.. at ang walang kaayusan sa bahay. (Maayos naman daw, pero feeling ko hindi eh.) Marami-rami din akong di magawa. Di tulad ng dati.

Ngunit sa mga panahong ito ko na realized na hindi pala ang mga nagpapasaya sa akin ngayon ang makapagpapasaya ng walang hanggang panahon sa akin. Naunawaan ko na hindi pera, hindi pamilya, hindi career, hindi kaibigan lang ang maaring makapag kumpleto at makapagpasaya sa buhay ng isang tao. May higit pang kasiyahan at kapayapaang makikita sa MayLikha sa atin na maaring mailagay sa ating puso na lalong mas makapagpapasaya kasama ang mga bagay na meron na tayo, sa ating buhay! Kung kaya’t hindi natin kailangang masanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa ating buhay.

Kung ang kasiyahan at kapayapaan ay galing sa aking kalooban, walang hirap,karamdaman, pagkabigo,kapansanan, kawalan at kalungkutan ang maaring magpalungkot at magpa give up sa akin.

‘Yan ang aking natutunan ng ako’y ma bad trip sa aking pamamahinga.

Goodbye

Thursday, March 25th, 2010

Classes are over. The children have said goodbye to their teachers. Many said goodbyes to their partners- I know a lot. I hate this part… saying goodbye! Di ba pwedeng ” see you again?”. A friend of mine likes to say “goodbye”, “sayonara”, “adios”. Everytime I hear the song, “Time to say Goodbye” by Andrea Bocceli, I remember this friend of mine. Naiiyak ako because I cannot forget how he said “goodbye” 27 years ago (I think)… walang “sabi-sabi, biglang naglaho!”. And naiyak ako dahil I wasn’t able to say ” I’m sorry”.

But I am so thankful that God made a way for me to go to Macau— I went there to forget and be refreshed and he found me there— sa facebook pa! Only then, I was able to say ” I’m sorry.” and naiyak ulit ako after 27 years (I think) because he said “I’m sorry, too.” And we exchange messages from now on. And this time I said to him, “don’t you ever say goodbye again because friends stay much longer than trees!” ha ha ha!

I hate goodbyes.

True friends stay much longer than trees!

Narcississm Over a Cup of Coffee

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I happened to watch a tv program in UNTv one morning. The host was interviewing a psychiatrist, and the topic was a personality disorder called narcissism, and how to deal with it. The doctor simply cite symptoms such as ” laging nakatingin sa salamin”, “makasarili”,”walang pakialam sa iba kundi sa sarili lang”, “walang maganda/ gwapo kundi siya”. Psychotherapy, the doctor said, is the cure.

My breakfast was a little bit interrupted by this program. I thought about what my professor in psychology said during my college days that- all of us are neurotics, we all have tendencies to hysteria!

For me, those words were heavy!

When I gotten to this age and met a lot of people, I found out that my professor was right! Our negative reactions towards unlikely situations shows how neurotic we are. And I have dealt also with people who display psychotic behavior because they can’t seem to trust the people around them, always suspecting that they are being cheated or betrayed; and people who display schizophrenic attitude, constantly changing their minds and emote and do things negatively when they fail to get what they want.

This is what the changing world has negatively brought us— behave negatively! It hurts even the ones who are doing their best to be positive and progressive.

Nang Wala Na Akong Maisulat

Monday, January 11th, 2010

Hindi madali ang magsulat, lalo’t sa isang blog na kagaya nito na mababasa ng marami. Sa dami ng mga bagay at mga taong aking naiingkwentro sa araw-araw, hindi ko malaman kung paano ko pagsasama-samahin ang mga naoobserbahan at naiisip ko patungkol sa mga ito. At hindi ko malaman kung ano ang mga nararapat na mga salitang gagamitin ko para ilarawan ang mga nasa isip ko.

Hanggang isang araw, huminto na lang ako sa pagsusulat. Dahil hindi naman ako talagang manunulat, hindi ko masisi ang sarili ko sa paghinto. Ngunit, marami talagang naglalaro sa aking isipan sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay at mag- umpisang maglakbay.

Salamat sa mga nagbabasa ng aking blog! Nalilibang ako sa ginagawa kong ito at sana nakakatulong naman ako sa mga bumabasa ng lahat ng sinusulat ko dito.

Dahil wala akong maisulat, pagtyagaan na lang ninyong basahin ang mga sumusunod:

1. “Not Yet Home Before Dark” - (care ko!) dahil madalas akong abutin ng gabi sa lansangan… galing sa trabaho, galing sa isa pang trabaho o kaya sa iba ko pang pinagkakaabalahang gawain sa simple ngunit minsan ay masalimoot ngunit napaka makulay kong buhay! Ha ha ha ha!

2. “ang-bibing-gala.blog.friendster.com”- dahil inihalintulad ng mga magagandang anak ang kanilang ina sa isang “bibi”, hindi dahil sa makembot ang aking pwet kundi dahil daw lagi akong lumulutang sa mga mistulang tubig-pagsubok sa buhay. Hindi nababasa, hindi lumulubog, langoy lang ng langoy! Saan naman kaya pupunta ang bibing ito? Buti na lang, hindi “ugly duckling” ang naging title ad ng blog na ito!

Tama ang hula mo: hindi ako ang nag lay out ng blog na ito!

3. Tumutukoy ito sa mga aral na natututunan ko sa bawat tao, bagay at pangyayaring nasasalubong ko araw-araw sa kalsada ng buhay.Hindi nito laman ang aking mga iniisip. Ang aking mga kaisipan ay matatagpuan sa www.cantkeepmymindshutup@blogspot.com. Ngunit huwag nang tangkaing basahin dahil masyado siyang maingay, mabibingi ang sinomang babasa! Pinigilan ang aking bibig sa pagsasalita kung kaya’t isip ko lamang ang nagsasalita.. mas maingay ang isip kaysa sa bibig! Subukan mo…

4. Si Kian, ang isang friend ko dito sa friendster ang nag-inspire sa akin na mag blog. Hindi ko pa kilala ng personal pero malaki naitulong niya sa akin dahil… nalilibang ako! Ha ha ha ha!

5. Si Bob Ong ang writer na paborito ko, kung kaya’t paling-paling ang paraan ko ng pagsulat! Sulat kalye ang namana kong sistema kay Bob Ong. Ngunit nakaaaliw ang mga aklat niya, may mga tagong aral na di mo makikita sa ibang aklat. “Si Kapitan Sino” ang natatanging bagay na binili ko noong Pasko na regalo ko sa sarili ko pagkatapos ng isang taong paghihirap sa pagtatrabaho! Ang cheap daw!

6. Hindi totoong hindi ako naglakbay noong Disyembre kung kaya wala akong masabi! Madaming lugar akong natutunang puntahan mag-isa, marami rin akong mga taong nakilala na nagbigay sa akin ng maganda at pangit na inspirasyon.

a. Nagkaroon ako ng bagong pamilya– ang pamilya ni Pearsian! Nakikihati? Hindi ah! Tinanggap lang nila ako at madalas ako sa kanila pag may panahon ako, at sa kanila ko natuklasan na hindi ko na maalis sa aking katauhan ang maging “kikay”. Hindi na malaman ni Pearsian kung kailan ako nagbibiro at kung kailan ako seryoso. Wala daw pagkakaiba! Haa??? Ganun? Sabi ng aking classmate, siguro iyon daw ang sikreto ko kaya di ako tumatanda! Binola pa ako!

b. Nakilala ko at nakita ang aking mga kaklase at kaeskwela sa MCU 1982 batch! Maraming beses at maraming kasiyahang dinala sa buhay ko ang event na ito! Dito ko natutunan na unawain ang maraming bagay patungkol sa pakikipag relasyon. Imagine!. Dito ko nahaka-haka na ang “pag-ibig ay parang isang damo!” at kung gaano ka obsolete ang konsepto ko ng makabagong pakikipagrelasyon. Hmmm. masyadong seryoso! Dahil sa event na ito, natuklasan kong maliit na bahagi na lang ng utak ko ang okupado ng etchoserong lalaking nakasakay sa dilaw na motorsiklo!

c. Nakaharap ko din ng harapan ang mga taong dati ay sa kwento-kwento ko lang napapakinggan. Napahanga ako sa bilis ng mga pangyayari na para bang nakasulat sa langit na makatagpo ko sila sa isang di inaasahang pagkakataon! Ang labis na nakakatuwa ay tinanggap nila ako at naging kaibigan! At nagkaroon pa ng maraming mga pag-uusap. Minsan, hindi mo maunawaan ang takbo ng tadhana at ang gusto ng kalangitan. Totoong ang isip natin ay tunay na mas mababaw at mababa kaysa sa kaisipan ng Maykapal! ( Ang lalim!! Nakakalunod!)

d. Nakaharap ko din ng personal si Rico matapos ang 3 taon. Kaibigan ko lang siya sa celphone dati, ngayon, talagang magkaibigan na kami, at nagkita rin kami after 3 years! Yap, 3 taon kaming di nagkikita! Kaibigan ko siya dahil ino-okray ko siya madalas! Inaaway at inaasar! Kaya friend ko siya!!

e. Napadalas ang pambubwisit sa akin ng babaing taga-Pasig! Hindi ko alam kung bakit masyado siyang insecure, pero mas maiinsecure siya pag nakita niya ako!!! Ha ha ha ha! Yabang!! Nasukat niya ang aking pasensya at aking pagpipigil sa sarili! Natutunan ko din sa kanya ang tamang pagsagot sa bawat masasakit na pananalitang binitawan niya ng hindi tumulo ang pawis sa aking noo! Ngayon, siya ang inspirasyon ko sa mga pagbabagong ginawa ko sa aking sarili! At nanghihinayang ako na hindi ko siya nakaharap o nakilala ng personal. Tama ka, di nya ako kilala pero ganun lang ang pang-ookray nya sa akin! Sayang at di siya tinangay ng baha noong bagyong Ondoy! Di bale next year na lang! Ha ha ha! She gave me the best flattery in life! Dapat ko ba siyang pasalamatan? Ano siya, masaya?!!! Hindi noh!! ha ha ha!

f. Sa aking bagong lugar ay may bagong buhay. Masaya kahit tatlo lang kami! Bumabalik na ang sarap kong magluluto maging ang pag-aasikaso ng bahay. Matagal ding binawi ito sa akin ng mga pangyayari at panahon, at ngayon….

pagod na ako… 3 oras na ako dito, mahal na babayaran ko!

Umiihip ang hangin ng aking buhay… nag-iiba ng direksyon at gusto ko siyang sundan!!

Ang Mga Lalaking Nakiraan ( Lang)

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

In a woman’s life, a lot of guys kind pass by. Why am I writing about this? Wala lang. Naisip ko lang.

Guy # 1 is the shy guy. Or nagkukunwaring “shy”. Just looking at you but invades your cellphone of text messages saying how much he loves you but can’t get closer to you to show his feelings! Nakakainis ang ganyang mga lalaki! Panay daliri lang nila ang nagsasalita! Paano ka maniniwala?At pag binasted mo sa text ay magdadrama ng ” okay lang, naiintindihan ko! Alam ko nmang di mo ako magugustuhan!” Haler! Bakit pa nagtry? Sakit sa ulo!

Okay, cool….

Guy #2 The “sawain” guy. He is the one who already has a girlfriend and still trying on to court another one with a drama na ” hindi naman ako masaya sa kanya.”, or ” parang wala din naman kami…”. Falling into his trap, you’ll end up the subject of his old drama. Hindi niya kailangan ng girlfriend—clown ang dapat nyang hanapin!

Guy #3 The fooling around married man. A lot of women now are falling into this kind of guy. Was it because there’s no single men around? Or desperation is at bay? My guy friends talked about this kind of affair which is so prevalent these days and I was shocked to know what men think about this:

They said that married men do it para ma refresh! To perk up their desire for their wives. Para daw magmukhang bago ulit ang kanilang mga asawa. Ang galing!! But at the end of the day, they will still choose to return and keep their wives. But the guys who make bahay the other woman, or live in with the other woman are what they called selffish guys! They just fulfill their lust. Love, they said is in reality far behind. At the end, kahit daw gaano kabungangera at kapangit ng ugali ng asawa…they will choose to come back to the original wife specially if they have children. Those who stayed for life with the other woman are the ones being rejected by the wives who said, “Sige, dyan ka na sa kabit mo! Magsama na kayong dalawa!! A do do do. A dadada”.

At the end really, no married man wants a wrecked home! When they come into senses, they will mend their ways and return home! Yun lang ang puntos ng mga friends kong guys na nagkatuwaang gawin akong Lolit Solis, “Sige Tish, itanong mo lahat ng itatanong mo at sasagutin namin!”. Yeah!

Guy #4 is the “big fat wolf” guy who’s only after your beautiful looks and body! In short, manyakis!! How will you know it? Ay sus, kay dali! Kapag laging ginagawang parang genie bottle ang baywang ng girlfriend, o kaya everytime you see each other you end up in Sogo or Eurotel or sa tabi-tabi lang! Aba, maki break ka na baka one day you end up buying a pregnancy test kit at your boyfriend, na lost na.

Guy #5. The insecure guy na nagpapanggap na secured! It’s the guy who is so seloso and so demanding and so…. na kulang na lang magpanggap na bakod ng bahay ninyo para di ka makita ng mga kapitbahay. At pag nakasakay kayo sa jeep or sa bus, kulang na lang magpalit kayo ng mukha sa katatakip nya sau para di ka matingnan ng ibang lalaki! Ay day, sayang ang beauty mo, bakod lang ang nakakamasid! Hmmm.

Guy #6 is the dramatic actor guy who would catch the stars and the moon and the sun to give to you! Ay naku, di ka nyan mahal! Gusto ka kaagad mamatay! Ha ha ha ha!

Guy #7 is the trophy kinda guy. The guy with the outstanding looks and muscles to show off to everyone! Gorgeous, ika nga! Yan! Yan ang mga tipo ng lalaking…masarap ipakilala sa mga relatives and parents! pero hindi sa mga kaibigang babae! Keep an eye on him. ha ha ha

Guy #8 is the masquarading guy pretending to be a friend but may gusto sau! Ha hayy! Ang sweet!

And the last guy is your average guy na mahal ka kahit sino ka man! Ay naku, wag mo na pawalan! Sayang yan! Ha ha ha

Why am I writing about this? Wala pa rin akong maisip na dahilan, maliban sa nakita ko na ang mga guys na yan sa paligid ng bakod ng bahay namin. Buti na lang, mahilig akong uminom ng kape at kumain ng roasted highland legumes! ha ha ha

Passing by Star Tollways, nakita kong nag-aani ng mga palay ang mga magsasaka… ang hirap pala maging magsasaka! Ang laki ng hirap nila para may makain tayong bigas!

Sige, mais na lang kainin natin para di na cla mahirapan!

Smiling makes you beautiful!

Going Back To Places 13 Years Ago

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

I went back to the places I’ve been 13 years ago. The places that hid and kept me for short period of time way back then. The places where I threw my watch, and my bracelets. The places where I left prayers of thanks to the ground.

I found in them new buildings, new houses, expanded businesses like the SM.

I was thankful that the Lord has blessed them and their owners for being so kind to me in the past. They have progressed and multiplied!

The law of nature and the Word of God: “You reap what you sow.”

We reap kindness for kindness and even more. We reap tragedy for unkindness and injustice.

But sometimes a cloud of doubt is cast over this law. Because we are human beings, prone to error and manipulation. The human will is either strong or weak.

The Prayer of Jabez became my prayers day and night, because life is still unfair towards me. Only it has been my attitude to give a reverse reaction to any situation that arise. But my eyes “became rivers at night” and my solitude beyond compare. My prayers are howls that bang the doors of heaven and my voice fades in the morning because of the groanings I make daily to God on High.

But am determined to rise and not be defeated. Because defeat is only for losers.

Wrong Post!

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

I was invited to be a lecturer in an In-Service Training for teachers last December 23. As I was waiting for my turn to speak, I noticed a quotation posted on the wall above the blackboard. The quotation is supposed to be : ” Others, in their desire to live, forgot how to live.” I don’t know if the one who printed it was in a hurry, or “sinadya”, because it is posted : “Others in their desire to forget live.” The punctuations omitted, and words, jumbled.

But there is a new light in that wrong posted quotation. Light for those who would like to forget and move on in life- Start to Live!

Start to live in a new hope, new belief and willingness to trust again.

Start to change. Make changes and find a new wonderful person within.

Spread ones wings, widen horizons and explore the unexplored.

Then you will find that there is more around you than you’ve known before. That life is not bad and rejection and failure are not that evil. Soon you will thank the Lord for the heartaches and pains.

If you want to forget, start to live!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Dreams and Rainbow

Wednesday, November 4th, 2009

Dreams are things we want to have in our lives. It is made. It must be worked out. It doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t just happen.

Dreams are not dreams if not fulfilled. They’re just illusion of the things we wish there will be.

I’ve seen so many dream of this and that, yet are not doing something to get their dreams. They imitate Juan Tamad..waiting for the fruit to fall from the tree!

If we want to be happy holding on our dreams, then do something to have it. The Job phenomena is rare! Don’t count on it!

Words can deceive us. Actions can fool us. Our eyes will dim and our ears may fail but only our hearts can know what is real and true.

God can speak to us in a lot of ways, s0 many ways we cannot limit His capacity to reach us.

After ten days of being out- of- town, out- of- reach and out- of- touch from the rest of the “country”, I gave myself a forced break to visit my family, my biz, my friends and the places I love to be. What a great feeling! But sooner I must leave again. That’s my life, my call, my design. The price to pay is my tears for sudden sadness that comes whenever cold winds blow. But the gladness after accomplishing so many surpasses the tears…but there are always tears.

And yet, it’s still a thing that I want to do.

I saw a rainbow when I got to Manila. It reminded me of God’s covenant to me. It lightened my heart. The rain stopped when I set foot in Santolan station. I was given the time to get into another bus to Cubao and get on the Five Star Bus Station to another bus going Bulacan, when rain started to fall again. And stopped again when my I set foot in Malolos to give me a chance to get on a tricycle to my house! How many rains stopped whenever I set my feet to go? Countless. How many storms did I managed to get through in spite of warnings? And floods to get away from? So many. How many odds did I overcame without a scathe? My fingers can no longer count. How many times did I overcame and escaped death? A lot of times. It’s not because of my ability, strenght and wisdom. It’s because of God who made that “rainbow” for me. The One who’s holding me all along. The One, who is the reason why I endure the tears of working alone in the vineyard. The One who called me… tisha, one day hindi ka na…

bibing gala! ha ha ha ha!

I Was Wrong This Morning

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

Meeting Old Friends:

I spent some times in October and November meeting my former schoolmates. Those days were full of fun and excitement! Getting to know them, after the many changes, after 27 years! (Tagal na pala!). Having new friends and connections. And most of all– something outside from my usual routine!

My FB word for the day said: it’s about time I do the things that I like, after many years, to open new horizons and new dimensions, not to mention new opportunities, new doors! This is exciting! But what are the things that I like?

I want to invade the Northern part of Luzon… alone.

I want to learn how to drive…a car.

I want to move to a new place and set up a different christmas tree!

I will say “no” if I don’t feel good in going to the places I usually go to…just to work.

My used-to-be-double now single female friends said that there are a lot of things they can’t do alone after their hubbies were gone. They either go by group or don’t go na lang. This is the topic of discussion while strolling the SM The Block yesterday night, haunting for a smart casual dress. I got a “Oww?” when I said I do watch movie, dine out, travel, stroll and mall, shop, play in amusement places, have a cup of coffee or tea, etc, etc… alone! Yeah, alone!

At first, it’s awkward and nakaka conscious, sad, feeling mo “mukha kang tanga”,and nakakatakot.

but it’s not!

it’s fun and thrilling… to conquer your fear!

and here I am… independent. Only one thing lacking…

a someone.

It’s not easy to conquer one’s fear, God understands it. What He will not understand is when we let our fear conquer our whole being.

My Mom bought a small poster but didn’t post it in our wall maybe because she realized the thought written on it is a non-sense. I found it inside a cabinet and posted it beside the bed.. cause I found in it a lot of good sense. I read it every morning a loud and found it working in my spiritual and emotional muscles:

” This day I am alive and all the world is mine!”

I Was Wrong This Morning:

I cast doubt on someone’s attitude this morning. The culprit, is because no matter how hard I try to understand this person’s behavior, I end up pissed if not discouraged to decipher what’s in his mind. I was wrong!

Difficult people are sometimes God sent to us to strenghten our reaction and emotional systems. To teach us understanding and love, most of all. God loved everybody, regardless of their behavior and attitude. He loves us unconditionally.

I forgot, maybe because it’s not yet deeply rooted inside…

That there is no such thing as conditional love, or it’s not love at all. Love has no reason because if it has then it’s not love. Unconditional love has no reason. It’s not based on the other person’s attitude or behavior, rather it is based on you. God’s love for us is based on Himself not on us, because we’re incapable of loving Him. So I appreciated and understood the I Corinthians 13 concept of love.

Now I understand why the Lord sent this difficult person to me.

Now I realized I was wrong yesterday morning. I hope he understands. I believe he did.

Di nya nga ako binabati eh! Ha ha!

Mga Simpleng Prinsipyo Para Sumaya ang Simpleng Buhay: Aral Mula sa Babaing Taga Pasig

Monday, November 30th, 2009

1. Huwag problemahin ang problemang hindi kayang lutasin. Malulutas din iyan ng kusa.

2. Huwag isipin at intindihin ang taong ayaw kang isipin at intindihin din. Sayang ang itim na buhok!

3. Hindi kailangang lagi magbigay ng paliwanag. You don’t need to prove everything. Sayang ang energy, save it, may crisis ngayon.

4. Huwag tumalikod sa mga taong isang araw ay babalikan mo din pala.

5. Huwag pumapel sa buhay ng ibang tao lalo na’t di ka kasama sa script. Pangit ang maging extra. Wala talent fee!

6. Maging mabait sa sarili huwag lang sa ibang tao dahil pagdating ng araw at nawala ang ibang tao, ikaw lamang ang matitira at ang sarili mo.

7. Mamuhay ng malinis ang kunsensiya at walang atraso sa ibang tao. Mahirap umani ng bad karma habambuhay dahil sa mga mali mong gawa, kahit anong pagsisikap mo- di ka uunlad sa buhay.

8. Matutong magpatawad sa bawat kasalanang nagagawa sa iyo ng ibang tao, upang maging masarap ang tulog sa gabi. P120 ang halaga ng pantanggal ng eyebags! Di mo kaya un, poor ka kasi!

9. Huwag nang balikan ang mga taong bumabalik sa iyo na ginive up ka na at sinaktan ang iyong damdamin dati. Baka sa susunod na saktan ka nila ulit ay magwala ka na at makapatay ka pa ng tao– sayang ang beauty mo! Mahirap makulong, walang internet dun!

10. Huwag aksayahin ang panahon sa pag-iisip ng mga tanong na walang kasagutan. Kahit baligtarin mo ang mundo, hindi mo makikita ang sagot dahil itinatago nila sa iyo!

11. Matutunan mag-isa. Huwag matakot. Marami kang matututunan.

12. Iwasan ang madaming salita. Hindi nagbubunga ng maganda. Paikot-ikot lang.

13. Laging ngingiti at piliting maging masaya araw-araw upang madaling pumasok ang pera.

14. Huwag maging tamad dahil baka maging kasabihan at kwentong bayan ang buhay mo.

15. Ang buhay ay maganda ngunit maikli, mamuhay ng tama at i-enjoy ito!

Ito ang aking mga natutunan sa babaing taga Pasig na minsan ay hindi ko nakita at di ko nakilala ngunit ginulo ang nananahimik kong buhay. Sana wala nang maging mga katulad niya.

Ito naman ang mga natutunan ko sa aking paglalakbay noong Sabado, ika-29 ng Nobyembre, 2009, alas 3 ng madaling araw:

1. Kung lumiliit ang iyong mundo, palakihin mo- kaya mo naman. Mahirap lumakad ng mabagal na, patagilid pa!

2. Kung may gusto kang makuha sa buhay, huwag mo tatanungin ang sarili mo ng “Kaya ko kaya?”, sa halip ay “Paano ko kaya makukuha ang gusto ko?”.

3. Madalas hindi importante kung paano mo nakuha ang isang bagay kundi ang kung napunta ba sa iyo ang bagay na gusto mong makuha.

4. Nangungusap pala ang God sa akin, di ko napapansin dahil sobrang saya ng kapaligiran ko.

…kaya, silent mode muna ako.

Maraming Nagagawa ang Kape!

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

Maraming nagagawa ang kape…

Sa katawan ng tao: antioxidant ito. Stimulant din.

Sa paligid: nakaka refresh ang amoy ng brewed coffee… nakakarelax!

Sa ‘yong social life: once you sit and sip a cup of coffee in a coffee shop, biglang angat ang kalidad ng status mo… sosyal ka na!

May natuklasan pa akong gamit ng kape.

Sa aking buhay, I am thinking something whenever I sip coffee, business, love life, kalokohan o kaseryosohan man. Tuwing umiinom ako ng kape, kahit saan man, nag-iisip ako no’n.

And I found out that malalaman mo din kung tunay kang mahal ng isang tao sa pamamagitan ng isang tasang brewed coffee. Malalaman mo din kung pinepeke ka ng kausap mo dahil sa isang tasang kape. At mawawala ang sama mo ng loob dahil sa isang tasang kape!

Natuklasan ko ito kahapon habang nagkakape ako sa isang coffee shop sa SM Marilao! Paano malalaman sa isang tasang kape? Hindi masyadong masalimuot ang proseso, kailangan lang ng isang misteryosong ilaw na biglang sisindi sa isip mo.

Ang alam ko ngayon, malaya ako ngunit masakit ang aking loob.

Naisip kong tama ang desisyong ginawa ko noong nasa Macau ako…

…magtsa tsaa na lang ako!!

Moving On

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Moving on is difficult specially when you have loved so true, so deep and faithfully! It’s even difficult when the cause of separation is unfaithfulness and the years that spent together were taken for granted! I think, not even a mind-setting technique will work!

An old woman friend told me that it’s just normal to have a slow moving- on time specially if one has given a 100% love and attention. Not even a year can erase the memory. The most difficult thing to erase is the pain within. She is right! (Pero di ko matiis ang fresh breath ng katabi ko! Gustong sumumpong ng allergy ko!)

I found one technique that helps a lot aside from mind-setting– prayer!

Prayer for healing coupled with mind-setting: looking at the big picture ahead why this thing happened?

There is always a big picture ahead!

Nyakks!! Di ko po maaninaw…

There is a cup of coffee there!

Monday, October 19th, 2009

Moving on is difficult specially when you have loved so true, so deep and faithfully! It’s even difficult when the cause of separation is unfaithfulness and the years that spent together were taken for granted! I think, not even a mind-setting technique will work!

An old woman friend told me that it’s just normal to have a slow moving- on time specially if one has given a 100% love and attention. Not even a year can erase the memory. The most difficult thing to erase is the pain within. She is right! (Pero di ko matiis ang fresh breath ng katabi ko! Gustong sumumpong ng allergy ko!)

I found one technique that helps a lot aside from mind-setting– prayer!

Prayer for healing coupled with mind-setting: looking at the big picture ahead why this thing happened?

There is always a big picture ahead!

Nyakks!! Di ko po maaninaw…

There is a cup of coffee there!

When Someone Hurt You

Monday, October 26th, 2009

You got two choices when someone hurt you: One is to get even. Second is to forgive and forget.

The first one eases the pain but makes you hate the offending person more.

The second is heavy to the heart but makes you understand yourself more, earns you a peaceful heart and pity the offending person because he will surely pay the price of what he did to you.

But what is more noble is to forgive the person, forget what he did and pray for him that he will change his ways so he will not hurt another one again.

I did the nobler way when someone hurt me twice. Way years back, I don’t like the idea of forgiving and forgetting. But when more experiences came into my quiet and simple life, I was forced to accept and do this idea because it is what God wants in every human being. At first, I thought, it’s unfair on my part.. getting even is much better but after many years of learning from the vineyard camp, I found out that it’s an element of a peaceful life.

The blast of anger can’t be controlled and it’s normal after the offense. But it’s much difficult to say “I’m sorry. (even though you did nothing wrong) I forgive you for what you did to me.” and walk away. Even harder is to do some kindness to the offending person. But what kept blinking in my mind is: nothing can buy my peace of mind, not even a fist can give me peaceful mind.”

So I did.

And am sleeping peacefully, earned 3 pounds and deal with each day with serenity in my heart.

Who is NOT at peace now? Definitely, it’s not me!

It’s hard to do but it’s worth it!

Freedom brings peace and serenity!

Ang Pag-ibig ay Isang Damo!

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Nawala ang isi-nave kong draft ng entry para sa blog post ko na ito. Ito ay dahil sa pagkakatingin ko sa pangalan ng aking blog site sa itaas. “Himig-sa-Magdamag.blog”? ang basa ko, sa halip na “ang-bibing-gala.blog…” Mali ba ang site na sinusulatan ko? Bakit ganun? Dali-dali kong isi-nave ang tinatype ko. Ngunit ng kusustin ko ang aking mata– ako ay nasa site ko! Ano ba ito? Hinanap ko ang si-nave kong draft ngunit di ko na matagpuan. May nagbibiro ba sa akin? Nagbasa kasi ako ng post sa himig-sa-magdamag blog site kanina. Nag gala kasi ako sa mga accounts na nag view sa akin!

Sinusulat ko sana ang naimbento kong kasabihan mula sa panonood ko ng mga taong pumapasok dito sa shop araw-araw lalo na’ kapag ako ang duty. Lahat ng tao dito ay nag cha chat araw-araw, oras-oras. Walang kasawaan! At sa mga pakikipag kwentuhan kapag nakakaramdam ako ng pagkabagot, inaamin ko na nagkaroon ako ng paghanga sa mga taong pumapasok dito sa shop. At doon ko nakita na nakakainis pala ang salitang “love”!

Bakit? “Ang pag-ibig ay parang damo! Tumutubo kahit saan!” Dahil para itong damo, tumutubo ito kahit sa maganda at di magandang lupa, sa disyerto, sa batuhan, sa tubigan, kahit saan, kahit na doon sa lugar na akala mo ay hindi ito mabubuhay- tutubo pa din and damo! Ganyan ang pag-ibig! Wala siyang pakialam kung ano”ng klaseng pagkatao mayroon, anong size, anong itsura, anong kakayahan, anong lahi, kahit ano pa ang amoy at kalagayan sa buhay…walang pakialam ang mala-damong pag-ibig na ito! Tutubo siya sa ayaw mo at sa gusto!

At dahil dito gising pa ako hanggang ngayon at sa tingin ko ay puyat na puyat na ako, huwag ko lamang mapakawalan sa aking isipan ang linyang naimbento ko na pinagtatawanan ko habang ipinagsasabi ko sa mga kasama ko sa bahay pagkatapos manood ng walang kamatayang “Moments of Love” ni Dingdong at Iza!

Wala akong iniibig sa ngayon, ngunit mayroon akong kaisipang pinagkakaabalahan, dahil parang gusto ko nang maniwala na ang pag-ibig ay tadhana ang nagtatakda! Masisira ba ang paniwala ko na ang kaligayahan ay isang pagpili? Marahil ay hindi.. pipiliin ko pa rin naman kung tadhana o uulitin ko na naman ang ginawa ko noong araw na mas pinili kong huwag tanggapin na minahal ko ang isang tao, sa halip ay umurong ako at mas pinili ang lumayo ng malayong-malayo at ngayon, kung binabalikan ko sa aking isipan, ako ay nanghihinayang. Ngunit tapos na ito! ...At hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili kong kaisipang ito...hahahha

Pagpili at tadhana pa rin! Ang pag-ibig ay parang damo!

Hindi ba nakakainis?

Ngunit masaya!!

Sta.Quieteria Adventure (Part pala ito ng Caloocan City!)

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Macky and I went to Sta.Quiteria to look for a friend…it was the address I found in the list of voters in Comelec…because I forgot where my friend lives!! Horrible!!

So we took off to Sta.Quiteria and discovered that it is a part of Caloocan City! Nyahhay!! Macky and I mixed our search with a little humor and “what will we learn from this?” scheme so that our search would not be irritating and discouraging. That’s what I like with Macky- he’s matiyaga and so pasensyoso.

We asked the help of drivers and people. We saw all the alphabet letters accompanying the address but we failed to find the B! So the final help would come from the barangay officials…so there we go. To our dismay, the tanods don’t even know where the 135B Cleofer is, and the barangay official didn’t even know his right hand from his left hand!! Our eyes roll! ” Wala, lokohan na to!” I said. So off we go…end.

But I got to find him! I prayed. “Make this one last way work, Lord.”

It worked! So we went home. At 10:00 in the evening, my friend texted! Why didn’t I try that way before we took off to Manila?

Because I was afraid. Because I doubted.

While boarding the bus to Munoz, I took a lesson from this adventure:

Seeking God’s will is like looking for a person in an unknown place filled with unfamiliar people. A lot of things, people, authorities and even your own feelings will influence you, either to miss or hit what you’re looking for. If you don’t know the key, or if you will not use the key you know is in your hand, you will likely MISS the mark!

This Past Days

This Past Days

Friday, September 18th, 2009

it’s late to travel…darkness will overtake me.

Silence and music described the week that passed. Though more than a handful of people have passed by my way for talks.

It’s an unusual happening in my life. Friends asked for reasons.

I refused to give any. Though I have.

I just want it this way.

When God takes over:

…there is no secret which will not be uncovered.

…there is no obstacle and scheme that can block your way.

…there is no problem without a solution.

…there is nothing you can do!

Bakit Di Maintindihan?

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Whenever someone tells me: “I want to do this but I can’t….” and the endless reasons begin to take toll… I feel uneasy. That is the saddest statement I could ever hear!!!

The many reasons for ” I want to do this but I can’t..” centered on our fear. Fear of losing, fear of what others might say, fear of risking, fear of new things, fear of becoming, fear of what we ourselves will say to our own actions, fear…fear…! And we become slaves of other people and our own fear!

Hindi kaya sila nagsasawa? Hindi kaya sila naiinis? Aba, nakakainis na!! Nakakasawa na!!

I have an unlikely answer to those people who enjoy enslaving other people through their tears, paawa epek, sumbat-dramatization and suicide chronicles: “Ondoy ahould have brought you along with him in the South China sea and share your selfishness with the shellfish in the seas!”

And to those who enjoy being slaves: ” Aba, wake up na! It’s 21st century na! Gone are the Caveman and the Trojans! Balak mo bang ma-exticnt kasama ng mga dinosaurs?”! Shukkks!

Happiness is a choice! Success is a choice! No one will make that for us. God will bless our efforts but even God will be maiinis if we will enslave ourselves, because in God there is freedom.

You want it? Choose it!

Ganun kasimple ‘yun!

Bakit ‘di maintindihan at ayaw gawin? Kasi ayaw intindihin at ayaw gawin!

Peace! : )

Macau Finale’

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Perhaps this duck will end her Macau vacation in this post.

I planned to work while on vacation here, while visiting its beautiful spots. But my plan didn’t work. Instead, my stay here became a real vacation– rest and stroll!

My mind couldn’t accept the idea… perhaps this is what the heavens planned this trip for me. But I have no choice. I was set up by the Lord!

Why I could say it?

One. While here, I arranged for the sale of my school to everyone whom I know will accept it. The price? Too low to be rejected. But nobody likes to take it!

Why I’m selling it? Because I want to spend full time in my community mission work. I want a change of career.

In my desperation, I even proposed it as a gift from me. No cash involved anymore! But still nobody wants to take it!

My friends and other people who counseled me said.. if it’s a gift from God to you, He is there with you in the school. Why give it away? It’s clear that its giver doesn’t want you to send it away. This school will take me to places where others have find difficult to enter in to.

I realized that the Lord is true when he said to me 3 years ago, “The school is My gift to you!Take it…” He doesn’t want me to give it away.

Two. All the preachings I heard in the church since the first week up to tonight–they speak about me. Even the Bible verses used were the words of the Lord given to me before I left for Macau. Further explained.

God has refreshed me, clearing my mind and made me arrived into a firm decision about my calling.

Three. I missed my trip back home. I over-helped my brother in the shop! And I heard this small still voice, ” don’t go home yet.”

O, please Lord.. just one shot from you, all of these will end!

Four. My patience and my coolness are being tested. This is the feeling of being away from your family. I know now the feelings of those parents who are working abroad leaving their families behind. And being like “the other person” in this place.

Five. I met my classmates and friends in Facebook. Widening my connections. Having other people to talk to. They make me glad everyday!

Six. CA2020 came out to educate me financially.

What other things in store for me here, I have no guess. But am sure this is one of the stuff of pursuing change. Am willing to take the risk of changes. Even some changes in my personal life.

I just want to go back home. Waiting for a signal, I will.

I’m getting bored here. I think I can’t make it to China anymore.

But am sad also..

Wish someone’s with me in my travels..

Macau Finale’

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Perhaps this duck will end her Macau vacation in this post.

I planned to work while on vacation here, while visiting its beautiful spots. But my plan didn’t work. Instead, my stay here became a real vacation– rest and stroll!

My mind couldn’t accept the idea… perhaps this is what the heavens planned this trip for me. But I have no choice. I was set up by the Lord!

Why I could say it?

One. While here, I arranged for the sale of my school to everyone whom I know will accept it. The price? Too low to be rejected. But nobody likes to take it!

Why I’m selling it? Because I want to spend full time in my community mission work. I want a change of career.

In my desperation, I even proposed it as a gift from me. No cash involved anymore! But still nobody wants to take it!

My friends and other people who counseled me said.. if it’s a gift from God to you, He is there with you in the school. Why give it away? It’s clear that its giver doesn’t want you to send it away. This school will take me to places where others have find difficult to enter in to.

I realized that the Lord is true when he said to me 3 years ago, “The school is My gift to you!Take it…” He doesn’t want me to give it away.

Two. All the preachings I heard in the church since the first week up to tonight–they speak about me. Even the Bible verses used were the words of the Lord given to me before I left for Macau. Further explained.

God has refreshed me, clearing my mind and made me arrived into a firm decision about my calling.

Three. I missed my trip back home. I over-helped my brother in the shop! And I heard this small still voice, ” don’t go home yet.”

O, please Lord.. just one shot from you, all of these will end!

Four. My patience and my coolness are being tested. This is the feeling of being away from your family. I know now the feelings of those parents who are working abroad leaving their families behind. And being like “the other person” in this place.

Five. I met my classmates and friends in Facebook. Widening my connections. Having other people to talk to. They make me glad everyday!

Six. CA2020 came out to educate me financially.

What other things in store for me here, I have no guess. But am sure this is one of the stuff of pursuing change. Am willing to take the risk of changes. Even some changes in my personal life.

I just want to go back home. Waiting for a signal, I will.

I’m getting bored here. I think I can’t make it to China anymore.

But am sad also..

Wish someone’s with me in my travels..

Excerpt from the day 2

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

Two days without doing anything that will generate money is boring. I did some errands for my brother in the shop, and there I met a lot of Filipinos, some are working with white cards already, some are struggling to find jobs, others are just touring around the city, and some are already residents with good, high paid jobs. They are friendly and are helpful, passing around informations of job opportunities to those who are on the haunt. All of them share a common experience with their chinese bosses. I could say that our people here are really so self-sacrificing, perseverant and patient in their states as workers. I admired them really. They so easily learned cantonese just by getting familiar with this language. Oh, I wish I could learn it, too.

The shop my brother runs goes on 24/7 service. During weekends, Filipinos jumpacked here, chatting with their families in the Philippines. We are still pro-family and family-centered race!

We watched the Bubble in the City of Dreams. The effects are so amazing and breathstaking! The combination of animation and water is so fantastic! ( I wish I had a videocam.). My brother said that the animator of the Bubble is a Pinoy!! Ang galing naman! Proud ako.

I felt like under house arrest by the heaven! My biz in the Philippines needs my attention and I am here, trapped in this vacation where nobody wants me to back home because sayang daw ang fare ko.OMG! What could be lying ahead of me here? I’m already tired of sleeping and doing nothing ( for 2 days!). The “ipeses” are gone, the only hobby I have now is surfing the net and forcing my friends in the Philippines to chat with me till midnight! Mahirap pala ang hindi nag-iisip… ha ha ha! And now, who said that long vacations are great?? nahh!!

What I noticed:

1. It’s good I’m a Filipino who can speak fluent English. Non-speaking english people are afraid to come near to you! Ha ha ha!

2. It’s not good to have a brown skin- discrimination is high! Is it because of the color? Shit! ( Good thing, my skin isn’t so brown. Thanks to my chinese grandmother! ha ha ha).

3. God set me up! ha ha ha!

4. Chinese women are small breasted with smooth, white skin!

5. Being in a mission is a really difficult thing. One has to give up a lot of things in life. I thought about this when I met an old missionary yesterday named Ms. Thelma.

6. One of the secret of the chineses’ long life is walking! Few ride the buses, most walk in their way to home, school and work.

life here with us is a “riot”.

An Excerpt from this Day

Monday, August 17th, 2009

It’s 3am and still awake. I arrived home with my brother & his wife & my aunt at 1am from touring around the City of Dreams and the Venetian Hotel.

I think my vacation will be shortened because of the biz I left home, in Pinas. But am praying to God that I still can stay up to Sept. 7, end of my visa.

I like it here. I made lots of friends here. I like the weather and I can do my style here. I can wake up late and sleep so very late! ( ang babaw!) I even found a new hobby here- manghabol at pumatay ng ipis!!! Madaming ipis? Yes! It’s Macau”s deepest secret: their city is also home to roaches! I think, kasing dami ng populasyon ng Macau ang bilang ng mga ipis! That’s something I can’t live with! Yukkksss!

So much about the ipises…

Saan pa kayang bansa ako pupunta after this?

And so much about thinking where I will go next…

In moving out to find new things, the strenght not to look back to where you came from because of pressure and fear of what might be lying ahead is very, very important. One needs focus to the direction he’s heading to. Well, I don’t have any problem with that! (produkto siguro ito ng puyat ko?) The people behind me are afraid of what I am tracking now, because am doing it alone. So what? I was alone since I was 32! Lot’s of things have come and go and I’ve done them alone.

Friends are people you cannot do without. They are jewels of our lives! Yeah, that’s a truth we can’t do without. I don’t need a crowd, I don’t need a cheering squad . I need helping hands.But I love all my friends, they are jewels of my life!

As the song goes: “… I need an inspiration, not just another negotiation.”

Sometimes, my tired feet stop to sigh and say, ” My goodness, mawawala ang beauty ko pag laging ganito! Float lang ang katapat!”

In everything, and in anything… we can always find something to learn, and we should learn them.

…and am tired already.

I Met God in Macau

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

My way to Macau was quite a tiring one because of the bad service of Cebu Pacific. But I passed through the immigrations of Clark and NAIA without showing my letter of support, just my passport. (Don’t ask why I went through two airports in one day, it’s a very long story.) Anyway, I had my calm composure that day. Still as a still ocean…ha ha ha!

My first three days were full of blessings and favor from the Lord. All things became clearer here maybe because I’m far from home. I met a lot of friends and relatives here, and became busy with earning dollars. I did this to make "libang". I never dreamt of becoming an OFW. My aunt got a job already and I am so thrilled to see what’s coming up.

In the midst of God’s favor, you really can’t stop the adversary from working. He’s spreading doubts in the minds of my parents in the Philippines. They all worry about me. Texts keep coming even as early as 3am in the morning! Because they don't know the real reason why I came here...except my brother.

If only they knew…

I’m enjoying my stay here. Para lang akong nasa Binondo at nasa Ongpin. Naka pambahay lang ako araw-araw sa paglakad, basta dala ko lang ang papers q. Para akong di umalis ng Pinas!

I like it here.

I still don’t have pictures. Still busy that’s why.

No matter how busy the days were, it’s peaceful here inside me. Though it’s a foreign land, it’s calm inside me…

Because God is here with me in Macau!

I miss Tracy & Ia, Mom & Dad, Papa & Mama, Pau & Nette, Xean, Nanay & Tatay,Angel, Alex & Tenants,Mayet,Lou,Weng,Mar,Leny & Liezl& Jaymark.

…and my friends more.

August 8,2009: Wala Lang, Kwento Lang!

Saturday, August 8th, 2009

“Maraming nagagawa ang malalim na pag-iisip. Isa sa mga paborito kong ginagawa habang nag-iisip ay ang mag-malling. Paborito ko ang SM North Edsa. Tambayan ng mga friends, mag boyfriends at mga nagnenetworking! Madalas ako dito dahil malaki ang screen ng Time Crisis IV at de-token pa siya. Di tulad sa Mall of Asia.

Laking gulat ko nang makita ko ang nag-iisang taong wala daw mukhang iharap sa akin upang magpaliwanag sa mga panlolokong ginawa niya sa akin.

Magandang lalaki pa rin siya! Ngunit di na gaya ng dati!Mabango pa din tingnan. Bagamat may pagka moreno, bakas pa din ang kagandahang lalaki! (Grabe ang tagalog ko! Ang hirap!). Ngunit napuna ko na magaspang ang kanyang balat at medyo nabubutas na ang kanyang mga pisngi dahil dumadami na ang mga taghiyawat sa kanyang mukha! Bagay na dati ay ayaw niyang magkaroon.

Ang mga pangit na pagbabago sa kanyang balat… naisip ko na ito ba ang bunga nga pakikipagrelasyon sa isang “elepante”?

Sinamantala ko ang pagkakataon ng aksidenteng pagkikitang ito! Dalawang buwan din namang itinago niya ang kanyang pagmumukha sa akin. Na kahit ano’ng assurance ang ibigay ko na kahit puwet nya ay iharap niya sa akin kung wala siyang mukha para magpaliwanag.

Ngunit ano’ng dismaya ko nang di man lang ako pansinin at sa halip ay nais pa yata akong iwasan. Pero di ako nagpatalo- hiningi ko pa din ang paliwanag niya kahit na kung ano-ano pa ang binibintang niya sa akin tungkol sa kanyang inaabangang tao. Ngunit bigo ako!

Sa isang maling sagot na nagpapanting sa tenga ko, sagot sa tanong ko na kung bakit di siya nagpapakita sa akin upang kausapin ako na maayos…. isang MALAKAS NA SAPAK ang pinawalan ko sa kanyang mukhang tinutubuan na ng mga taghiyawat!

Wala na akong nakita kundi siya. Pakiwari ko ay kami lang dalawa ang nasa hallway ng 3rd floor ng SM North Edsa! Sumakit ang dibdib ko, hindi upang atakihin kundi sa galit! At hindi ko na mabilang ang mga sapak, sampal at tuhod na pinawalan ko sa kanyang mukha!

Hindi niya sinalag mga sapak ko. Marahil ay dahil alam niya ang laki ng atraso niya sa akin! Sabay talikod ko… ayaw ko na ulit siyang makita!

Wala akong masabi! Para akong binusan ng malamig na tubig! Ngunit pakiramdam ko ay lumaya ang aking damdamin at pumanatag ang aking isip!Naipagtanggol ko din ang aking kaapihan na ipinagkait ng lalaking ito sa akin sa loob ng dalawang buwan! Hindi ako nagsisi na minahal ko ang lalaking ito...nagsisi lang ako sa klase ng pagmamahal na iniukol ko sa taong ito.

Ngunit masaya na ako! Nakakainom na ako ng kape at nakakakain na ako ng madami! Nakakatulog na ako ng mahimbing at isang katawa-tawang karanasan na lamang si Icer!”

Ang Bibing Gala– Bakasyon muna….