"Little Star

entre: Standing At the Edge of the Earth

5:18pm

I decided to write this blog for a person who didn't make it writing my life in a book...because she thinks mine deserves to land on pocketbooks...ayyy..

I didn't make it to her last minute on earth because of, you know what...what else is new?

We knew her through connections. Shes respected for her idealistic concepts on our vocation as educators in this struggle for quality but affordable education. And she worked with us as our principal for a year and consultant for 2 years. When I took office in 2006, when all Board of Trustees and Directors left and I was alone to save the dignity and name of my fellows and the institution, that, the darkest night in my profession-- she stood as my personal consultant and 4th mother till the time she died. She knew all my struggles, hardships and labor working alone to bring to life a dying institution. I made it! And shes one of the people behind my success.. success which my fellows cannot accept as one. Well, I did it silently, without telling anyone about everything I did. Their minds were locked in the past when they walked away without a do.. so as their thoughts about her.

When she knew Christ personally, I was the first one she called to tell that she did. And she rejoiced over my decision to go father than earning money for myself. She understood my calling. She happily told me she was given the task to make heralds for her church. The glow in her face, the answer to my prayer which she never knew I had for her.

When I was away to a far place, she often calls my office to remind my 2nd hand about her tasks and the memos I have to comply to. Shes so concerned...sobra! Although at that time, she's handling a big institution near mine. She showed me how a DepEd official thinks, and the way around. She encouraged me to speak out and do whats in my mind to make things right... well she's a very tough woman at her age. Someone who walks with regal in spite of many people who criticize and dislike her honesty and humanitarian concept on education.

I usually come to her house at night to share choco drinks with her.... reminding me always of my tiresome lifestyle and my addiction to coffee..... and the ripening time for me to look for someone... that money doesn't matter anymore since I got almost everything. But when I lost again...she never heard from me, nor did she saw my face... for I didn't want her see me bear the pain. And I thought she will get mad at my decision to stop. But..... she died, unexpectedly.... and I was so shocked! She learned my fall, but she never saw my rising.

She taught me that education is not only a business but a vocation. Influencing lives is far more valuable than earning millions. That a name is better than a bank account full of money.

She got some shares of sweet things too...and a secret only the two of us knows..... a sweet secret she told me with giggles.

Above all things, what I cannot forget is how she taught me to be regal at all times, minding my composure and my posture specially in times of tears, shame, jealousy and shambles.... oh I fail in moment of threat. That silence is not better when you need to save something.

We have the same namesung..... Tess. Hers is a "little star" while mine is " bitter".

I lost again...

What composure are you talking about crying before your lifeless body?? Nah!! See you one day under the tree of life at 3pm.... when my time was over.

Jealousy

Song: " No Playboy" by Nine Muses

It's maintenance in Facebook.... pwede ko na itong tapusin

Every morning, its my habit to read the news feed of facebook like reading a newspaper! Aha, ang tyaga ko daw, said one of my casual friend. Ei, I just like reading, same as I like music and dancing. And most of the status speak of love, pain, game requests, travels, joys..... but mostly heartaches! Ouch!

Solomon said, " Jealousy is a rage of man........ as fiery as the grave." Many gone broken because of this feeling that to some its a normal part of loving; to some its a shameful feeling they tend to hide and pretend it's not existing.....wow, ang tibay! While to some, it's connected to their obsessive-compulsive disorder na nakaka praning!

Well, doesn't everybody know that jealousy is a positive feeling? "Ows, common, ms. kamonez tisha! You're nuts!", you might say.

Jealousy is a feeling even God Almighty feels when He sees His children loving and worshiping another god! And when God's jealousy is triggered by this reasonable reason-- He sends fire to earth and burn the enemies alive! Ahahahaha! Laban ka dun?? Mas light pa 'yung paiyak-iyak at pa lita-lintanya ek ek mo! Hahahahahha!

When God created man, He created within him his emotions, the same as His'. So man is capable of loving and capable of hating. Only it gets too operational when sin entered in, when pain and heartaches came in..... exit joy..... sadness took over.

Jealousy is a basic protective defense mechanism of man against any intruder to his territory. Specially when the intruder is some kinda stealing something from him.

Because man is a territorial being.

If God expresses jealousy, sino ka pra hindi makadama ng ganyan? Its either you're denying or you've earned a halo around your head better that God's halo! Ahahahahaha!

Jealousy is like a wall.....

It's also like a "mohon" ng lupa.....

It's like a gun you can use correctly, reasonably or ruthlessly.

It's also like an alarm system. A basic part of man's instinct.

Some people says...they don't have it! He he he he! Kasama ako sa tropa nila! Promotor pa! But one of my rude friends said," Di ka plang nakakatapat ng kasukat mo!" Hahahaha! She's right!

What makes jealousy negative? Its when its accompanied with a compulsive behavior. And compulsive behavior is not part of jealousy... a compulsive behavior is part of ones personality he uses when he feels negative. Also when the jealous person is having a obsessive personality. You see, we express our emotions using tools innate in our personality, shaped by our environment and family. So, we rather not feel the feeling.....hahahahahaha!

Pag ob-com ang partner mo.... aba, dalhin mo sa psychiatrist. I am talking about jealousy in normal mode! Haha! Nalito ka na? Hala, tara, I will explain it to you the thin line between them.

Nevermind.........

Its a controllable feeling also...like most emotions, but compulsive people find it hard to control it specially if the intruder is having the advantage over what is his.

Whoever and whatever, jealousy is an attack to the self, the damage is primarily his. It is actually an expression of fear... fear of losing the one you love who is your life..and losing him

is like losing your life.. you won't breath anymore..then you succumb..hmmmm.

It's part of loving... but loving can exist without it, which is much better! Build security and faith and security and faith must first be built within you, then to him/her/them! Ei, pwede di ba? Ibang usapan na yan....saka na yn! haha!

Well, I am amused with jealousy.... its an expression of love, care and ownership. If you won't understand how God feels, then you will not be able to understand that jealousy is a positive feeling.

Put aside the hurt, try to read and understand...... then you'll discover that you are loved rather than possessed.... you're being asked, introvertly to " PLEASE STAY. I CAN'T BEAR TO LOSE YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH, AND I WILL DIE LOSING YOU!" ---- di nga lang masabi because these words are not enough to express the feeling inside.

When someone can't say it.... he'll just put the "END" sign and walk away.

Dati, di q naiintindihan ito..pero ng makilala ko ang taong 4'11" with 7.5 inches na paa...naintindihan ko ang salitang ito! Asus, finally!

End song: " Super Bass" by Nicki Minaj