Going back... ang saya ng Pasko ngayong 2010.... although hindi masyadong active ang travel life ko and December was jam packed with challenges , I enjoyed meeting the children who received the toys from " Joy" project. And going back to my home barrio after 29 years gave me the time travel to my childhood days. The people and my relatives still remembered me. Who will forget my grandfather and I, his sidekick !
At the end of each day, I asked myself , " Are you satisfied?", " Are you happy? ".
Because of all the seasons, I only like the winter months for its cold air, aside from that... nothing more. And every sunset in winter season, I ask myself those two questions above.
When I was a child, I often wondered how parols get lights inside them. I saw christmas lights like little stars blinking on gumamela shrubs. And I would ran along the streets habang binibillang kung ilang bahay ang mayroong "maliliit na stars" sa kanilang mga bakuran. I will go as far as the fishponds at the back of the school... the fishponds lay streched along the lake connected to Manila Bay. There are no houses there.... bamboos yes. I went there to smell the wind coming from the lake. It's where I learned to track the directions of the wind. If it will gonna rain or not, or a typhoon is coming, or a drought!
But I go there.... to wonder about the so many questions I had in my mind. To seek for answers that didn't came... and to forget about the things that I don't like.
I had everything but I was not happy. I was like a doll, no life of my own. I made people happy but I didn't have my own.
And when I came back after 29 years.... I realized I miss the place. I miss our ancestral house now wasted! I miss my grandparents. I miss the memories. I wish I am a child again counting the little stars on gumamela shrubs, still wondering how parols get lights inside. And I thought about the many things I learned and the many funny moments in my childhood that make me smile now.
Now..... " Are you satisfied? ", "Are you happy?".
May tatlong bibe akong nakita.
Mataba. Mapayat ang mga iba.....
Ngunit ang may pakpak sa likod nag-iisa,
Syang naunang nagsabi ng "quack! quack!"
The song I often heard from my teachers way back those years. And I really watched ducks walk along the street to under the gumamela shrubs....... smelling the flowers! Awwwwww! Naglolokohan na lng tayo !!
Bakit kaya hindi nababasa ang bibe pag nasa tubig? At ang gumamela..... bakit laging makintab ang dahon niya kahit maalikabok sa kalsada? At paano nangyayaring makagagawa ka ng lobong bula mula sa dinikdik na bulaklak ng gumamela?
Looking on the waters... I have dremt this, I will come back again. In my dream, I was walking on the waters, picking up stones from the lake bed and keeping them on my skirt. I came across a house and saw myself sitting by the terrace looking at the sunset and a man came up to me and said, " Come, I will show you where your treasure is. " And I said, " I don't want treasures. I want my sunset."
And here I am.... reunited with my roots, and my staying made me realized the stones I am picking up in my dream. And no one spoke about the years I was away.... only " But you have made it! And it's the most important thing!". And the cover of my Timeline, it was the time I was sitting on a porch of a terrace by the lake when my cousin took that picture. And my sunset?
I don't know when will I see him.
Ang Christmas..... pinasasaya lamang ng mga ala-alang masasaya. Pinalulungkot ng mga pangyayaring hindi mo ginusto pero dumating. Pinasasaya rin ng mga bagay na hinihintay mong dumating. Pinalulungkot din ng mga nabigong pag-asa. Ano man ang dahilan.... wala na aq pakialam! Basta ang alam ko, hinahanap q tuwing Pasko ang kagaya ng christmas lights na nakita ko noong bata pa aq..... para lng bituin sa ibabaw ng mga gumamela.. sapat na 'yun para ngumiti aq.
" I was like a doll, no life of my own. I make people happy but I don't have my own."
