And I

i miss you..

i fail to sleep

i don't want to miss a single moment,

looking at you.

i hold you so dear,

in my heart i keep still.

unmoved, strong and alive.

i cherish each time

you are closer,

i feel heaven is mine.

i find nothing else more beautiful,

than standing right next to you,

conquering darkness and sleep,

time and spaces.

with our minds and hearts

bounded by

love,

i see, i hear, i feel..

and i begin to miss you more,

more than any word could tell.

and nothing more i dream,

than being in your arms

to finally say,

oh yes, we are.

if only i can hold you,

then i will not let you go.

to look at you forever,

here beside me.

but no, i know i am dreaming.

but i don't want to wake up

anymore,

if it's the only way

to stay with you.

i said a lot,

and i know my words will fade away

in the passing of time.

but my love and my

missing you,

will not fade away.

At Nagkwento Si.... Ano nga Name Mo?

After so many weeks, I turned on my television. While enjoying my soup, there is this program that allows people with grudges and problems face each other in front of millions of viewers.... hurling insults, badmouthing and even do physical assaults at each other.... this for the purpose of solving their conflicts. Of course, I saw a kababaro, a life coach to assist and help these people.
I hardly finished my soup.... so this is now the new approach to solve seem-like-impossible conflicts-- get them on t.v.! And we, viewers were amused.... errr, got my two big eyes and "taas-kilay" look! I go awwww! eeewwww! araayyyy! ayayyy! humaygashhh!!! hahahaha!
Conflicts are part of life. It is the product of Adam and Eve's disobedience to God. Kahit ano'ng bait ng isang tao, may sisingaw pa ding conflict. No one is conflict-free. I guess.. When there is conflict, there are short-tempered people, passive people, understanding people as well as narrow-minded ones. There goes the cool ones-- "away kau, care q. Pag tapos na kau, then tell me!" and the "sawsaws" at "gatongs". Of course, there's the victim and the victimizer.
" He he he he! Ang tatapang nila."
"Ha??? Hmmm..."

" I had my share of gulo, pero kakaiba aq. Wala lang, basta... 'yun trip q, walang basagan! "

" Ha ha ha ha ! I went through a very heavy and difficult conflict. Mabigat talaga ang mga problema pero mas mabigat ung alam mo na walang gusto makinig sau kasi di ka pinaniniwalaan. At walang magtanggol sau khit mahal mo sa buhay kasi di rin sila naniniwala sau. 'San ka pa? Package yan!"

........nadagdagan ang soup ko ng isang tasang kape... itinaas ko na din paa ko sa chair.

" At kapag pala lahat ng tao ay nagsasalita at nang iinsulto ng sabay-sabay, matatameme ka! Magmumukha kang suka sa kaputlaan kasi di mo alam ang isasagot mo..... in-short, nabahag ang buntot ko! nyahaha! "
" may buntot ka? weh! iyak!"........... ang init ng kape!
" I went away, moved to another place. Left all the people behind. I've said all I need to say..."please believe me and help me... this is this...this is that." and I thought tama na 'yun. I left, took nothing for myself . Hindi ako lumitaw for 10 years. I said, hayaan nating mamatay ang apoy. Hayaan nating ang panahon ang magpatunay na ako ang tama at lahat sila ay mali! Hindi bale wala na ako face, 'yun gusto nila... may magagawa ba ako?"

Second cup of coffee.... anyare?
"There are times I crossed upon people who knew me. They called me "weak" and many words I can't even take.... may looks pa huh! Tiniis ko yun... wala sila narinig sa akin. I learned to defend myself and those with me, sa area ko lng... passively yet alert. After 3 years, time turned around, it proved I was right. But its not enough to change everything, and the more insults I got instead of " am sorry". So, I retreated silently.. 7 years I did. The 8th year come, my loved ones looked for me. Yea, I got my first hug and tears I saw in their eyes, asking for my forgiveness.

"you were right. we are wrong. " silence of words... only tears. .. but there was no more tears from my eyes... all dried up."

"I went home after isang dekada ate! It's like my birthday for those who saw they are wrong, but for those who don't, they are still hurling me with stones. But I don't care anymore. Tears will last a night, it'll be gone tomorrow- an another day."

Third cup of coffee.... buo pa tenga ko.

" Ung gf ng ex ko ay walang kasawa-sawang i text ako ng kung ano-anong pangit na mga sinasabi. Araw-araw na nlng, two weeks na!! Nakakapundi!! 3 years na kaming hiwalay nun.. nsa kanya na nga, inagaw na nya sa akin ! Ni anino nung bf nya di ko nakikita-- galaiting-galaiti pa din sa akin!! Sa akin hinahanap ang bf nya pag nawawala!! Waaaaahh! "

Nabuga kape ko... sambulat sa mesa! Hahahahahahha! " Nu ginawa mo?"

" Ni replayan q. Sabi ko "Hu u? Sori am busy now. Text again later! "
Hahahahahahaha! Aning!

People react differently to every situation, depending on individual capabilities and capacities and of course, experience or training in life. Some took things silently, some withdraw, some fight back, some just care less, others take it for granted, while some take it seriously. Others just can't fight they take it on upon themselves, so many take suicide. Like the picture I saw the other night.... a girl, after tries and fights, got tired of her life, gave up the hope and lie in the middle of the road face down.

Life is like a movie they said. But for me, it is not. Life is a reality. We are not actors, we are humans, we have feelings, we are alive. We can choose to be hurt or not to be hurt. We can choose to be who we are or who we are not. We can be anything we want but we all have the right to protect ourselves and we don't have the right to hurt other people just because we were once hurt by others. Solutions to conflicts need not to go further anywhere.... serious talk, listening and understanding will resolve any issue in life.

How do you handle conflicts?


Aq? It's enough that I said about it.
I take defense.
I retreat.

At Ako'y Nahumaling..... ha??

Song : Marry Me by Train

Additive : Peewee bbq flavor

Ang hirap kumain ng chichiriang di mo type ang flavor! hahahaha! Just to make this moment light. Nang mamahinga ang utak ko, namahinga din ang mga blogs ko, at ako'y nalulong sa games at kay crok ! whahahahaha! Naloko na!

Ameba Pico is one game I love to play! It'll be my 1 year playing this game on October 19. My avatar underwent 3 hairdos, twice eye color and multiple room status changes. I acquired 180 buddies in one year but I have to delete those inactive ones aside from the reason of maximum 100 buddies a pico can have. But I maintained those who became my Facebook buddies and whom I maintained friendship with. Jemes , Hidan , Hans Rafael , Warang , Innachi, Chichiwah, Joseph were my first buddies.. and they are still my friends up to now except for Innachi and Joseph. Among my lasting buddies and friends who maintained friendship with me up to now are Dulux (Ben Harain) almost a brother to me, Warang (Bosz Amiel), Hidan (Wax Morales), Jhayta (Jayson Tandoc), Regor (Atchup ni Regor), Hans Rafael ( Randolf Caro), Blake (Blake Cullen),and Music Lover (Ariel Delicana) .... teka, panay boys pla toh! hahahahaha!! Oh, let me include Garapata ( Roderick Burce) among my list.

I was a sole player, although a lot of picos talk to me... I never go with groups and never held events. Of all the quests, events and games are the ones I failed to complete.... not until Crok came, my dearest! But I made only 2 events since he came and..... wooshengg!!!

This game is a virtual world. You will meet a lot of people from different nations. My experiences vary from culture to culture. People make this game their own world. Real behaviors are displayed here. I say, kung hindi matibay ang dibdib mo... huwag ka maglaro nito... mag DOTA or Cabal ka nlng!

My pico life are messed by flirt girls and bullies! Asians dominate this game! But in the middle of this game, I met nice friends also and good ones too. Pico Katie (Katie Rubin), Dulux (Ben ), Kaze Aaze (Ronmar Cesna), Yuki (Miles Yee) and Dio (Neil Hermogenes), Culipi (Queena Lin), Zee (Zeevidovicha Amalia Dina) are among the good friends I got now in this game, crossing the border of the Pico server.... we are friends!

I learned a lot of things here aside from friendship. I learned trust, humor, and "whatever" attitude through Crok. .... what to think about and what not to think about! I also learned a lot of things about him and ... about myself. The game also gives me some mindsetting principles about money and prosperity like

1. The more you hold your gummies (pico money) and gold (Ag) tight, the more chance you'll gonna spend it on things you don't primarily needed.

2. The more you give, the more you earn.

3. The more gummies and Ag you have, the more you don't know what to buy... tendency is, you'll spend them on secondary things or just waste them.

4. Tech business is an " in" business... games will make you rich because it has become the stress reliever of many people. hahahahahha!

..... and of Love....

1. True love seem to be a rare thing nowadays. When you find one... you're blessed!

2. Boys have this common characteristic : admirers! But they differ from each other in so many ways. And still boys are confusing creatures!! hahaha! They are like a big puzzle hanging beside a river with piranhas!!

and lastly...

True love knows no boundaries, no culture, no race, no distance, no time. It goes as long as there is breath.... there it will always be.... beating.

:D

end: If Im Not in-Love with You

Janno Gibbs/Jennylyn Mercado

..... at 1 cup of coffee

" why in every fantasy

do i feel your arms embracing me

like lovers lost

in sweet desire...

why in dreams

do i surrender

like a little baby?

how do i explain this feeling?

someone tell me...

if i'm not in-love..... if am not in love.... with you.."